Church Of Scientology Busted For Fraud In France

October 27, 2009

A Paris court fined the church 900k for fraud. The court stated that the church pressured its members to give large amounts of money for questionable financial gain. The original complaint arose when a member of the church quit and wanted her money back. 

How funny is this? What makes it particularly amusing is that you can pretty much substitute any church denomination and get the same results. Sure, most call it “tithing” but, let’s face it, a spade is a spade. When you quit the Catholic church, do you get your money back? Didn’t think so. 

The judge stated that the church was “obsessed” with monetary gain and their practices were aimed at putting members into a “state of subjection”. Dude, maybe you should hop a bus to Italy and take a look at the Vatican. Now that’s a group that is obsessed with monetary gain. As for the “state of subjection” charge, what church would pass that litmus test? 

Don’t get me wrong, Scientology seems to be full blown crazy. But, from my point of view, so is every other established religion I can think of. I realize no one really gives a crap about the French because that country has gone to hell in a hand basket. Still, the precedent has been set. Wait until the Jews line up outside of their Synagogue asking for a refund. Rabbi Rabinowitz is not going to be a happy camper. 

I hope when L Ron Hubbard comes back from the big rocket ship in the sky, he points his photon torpedos at the French first. Granted, the odds are pretty slim that L Ron will be showing up anywhere ever but, you have to admit, it would be pretty damned funny. Tom Cruise could be the new king and any guy over 5’ 5” would have to have his legs shortened so Tom would tower over them. The women can be tall because Tom is cool with that. 

tom cruise

(Tom says, “The power of Tannerleah compels you! The power of Tannerleah compels you!)

A word of advice to all of my religious friends out there. Stop giving money to your respective churches immediately. You are putting them in danger of being charged with fraud and you wouldn’t want to be the reason that TD Jakes or Joel Osteen gets put in the slammer, would you? 

Instead, send your money directly to me. I personally think 10% is kind of low but do what your heart tells you to do. I will then “reallocate” the money to the various organizations without their solicitation. Kind of like how the US Treasury operates. Your churches will still be funded, minus an administration fee, and no one can be accused of fraud or intimidation. I know…you are thinking, “You are the awsomest TL”. I do it because I care. Now stop reading and start filling up my PayPal account. Do it for the children.

Paul Blart – Mall Cop. Damn You!!!

January 17, 2009

I went with the fam to see this movie today. It is a perfectly fine lightweight comedy. Kevin James does a great job as Blart. If you get a chance, it might be worth seeing. So why am I annoyed? Here’s why:

Now, for the rest of this weekend, I will have this ridiculous song rolling around in my head. There were a ton of other songs in the movie but this is the one that will haunt me. I was really kind of hoping that once the 70’s were over, I would never have to here another Barry Manilow song in my life. Don’t get me wrong…he is a fine musician and, if that is your cup of tea, then knock yourself out.

However, for those of us that had to endure these type of AM sappy songs as a youngster, even hearing them one more time is painful. So, please, play the video and share my pain.

One more thing. Whenever I see Kevin James I immediately think of Leah Remini. So I Wiki to see what she is up to these days and I am disturbed by what I read. When did Leah go all “Scientology”? She used to be so awesome on the King of Queens…well, until she got all blowed up being pregnant. Still, if you watch the older episodes, you can’t help but envy Doug. Fat dude with smoking hot wife. (Just like all shows that have the fat husband and the smoking wife. Pure comic genius and a gift to all of the husky men in America).

Whenever you shake off that Tom Cruise voodoo, Ms. Remini, you will be welcomed back onto my back up list.

Crap. I feel bad for punishing you with Barry. Here is a real mans song from the 70’s to clear your head out.

Isn’t he just dreamy?

Maybe The Scientologists Were Not The Crazy Ones?

November 24, 2008

Normally, when anyone from the Church of Scientology is accused of something strange, I am willing to lay good odds that the story is at least partially true. After all, L Ron Hubbard does not strike me as the most balanced person that ever started a church. So, when I heard the story about a guy getting shot for waving around samurai swords, it seemed like that there was something more to the story.

Well, after seeing this photo on the TMZ website, I am going to say I would have shot the got too…probably several times.


Now, normally when I see a guy with a tattoo of a talking hand on one side of his neck and flowers (or maybe a dragon) on the other, I think immediately Hare Krishna. Not to mention that the guy, Mario Majorski, definitely has the right haircut. From what I know, the Krishna’s are a fairly passive group.

However, when you look like an extra from a “B” grade sci-fi movie AND are swinging around two swords, well, there is little choice at that point but to shoot you. As it turns out, Mario might have had some trouble with the law in the past. Not to stereotype but after looking at this photo, I would have made that bet as well.

Hmm…seems I remember another famous Samurai warrior that attends the Church of Scientology.


My guess is that Mario challenged Tom to a fight on a sofa at the Celebrity Centre (I suppose they thought “Center” would just be too low brow for them) and Tom wussied out. Although, I must say that I would have probably done the same thing. I suspect Mario would have used “gang rules” samurai fighting which, obviously, Tom would not have been prepared for. Totally unfair.

Anyway, I just wanted to commend John Travolta and his team of aliens for getting it right for once. Whatever ship L Ron is flying around in space on at the moment, I am sure he is proud.

Peace, my alien brothers.

Rosie O’ Donnell Back On TV? WTF? Why, God, Why?!?!

November 24, 2008

Of all of the washed up, has been’s, why bring her back? Was Danny Bonaduce or “The Hoff” not available? And of all of the possible formats to choose, a variety show? Really? Doesn’t that mean that the star of the show has to have some sort of tangible talent? Christ, at least Donnie and Marie could sing a little. (Plus Marie was quite the looker).

What is it exactly that Rosie is going to do? She has already used the “I am hot for Tom Cruise” hiding in the closet routine. Not to mention completely back stabbing the incomparable Tom Selleck. Sure, it all makes sense now that we know that she hates all men but who cares? She has no shtick.

You might as well give that cackling hag from So You Think You Can Dance the gig. Believe me, listening to Rosie sing will be equally painful. What’s that you say? Don’t watch the show? Obviously, that goes without saying. But what about all of the unsupervised kids out there? They might be unwittingly exposed to this horror show and be scarred for life…kind of like Squirrel.

I can’t believe things are so bad at NBC that they actually came up with this idea. Oh wait, yes I can. These are the same idiots that brought back Knight Rider. Now it is all starting to make perfect sense. If Gabe Kaplan were still alive, God rest his soul, we would be seeing the all new adventures of “Welcome Back Kotter” any day now.

I am going to go on record as saying this show lasts 2 to 3 weeks, max. Even if every Sam Ronson fan in America tunes in religiously, there will just not be enough viewers. Plus, it’s Rosie freakin O’Donnell! Eww…I just threw up a little in my mouth. But I had Wendy’s for lunch so it wasn’t completely terrible.

The only good news is that The Gary Coleman “Little People” Variety Show is the back up if Rosie should fail. Todd Bridges will guest star and show everyone how to make homemade bombs. Plus, Vern Troyer will get sh**faced and try to get his game on with Natalie from The Facts of Life. Mmm…Natalie was smoking!


OMG! She is even hotter today! Who knew? Excuse me, I have to leave now. Where the hell did I put my Kleenex…

Why Do Rich People Drive While Impaired?

September 29, 2008

And yet another celebrity gets busted for driving under the influence. This time, it was Heather Locklear. (By the way, doesn’t Heather look great in her mug shot, even with the raccoon eyes? She just turned 47. Talk about a MILF). I don’t know for sure but I bet that Heather is loaded with cash. Which begs the question, “Why the hell are you driving?”

I just don’t get it. I don’t even like driving while sober. You can rest assured that if I had the cash, I would have someone drive me anywhere I needed to go. Need to hit Taco Bell? Get the driver. This seems like a really easy solution to a never ending problem yet, for some reason, it doesn’t happen.

You might think, “well, if they are impaired, that is why they show poor judgement.” True, but the other thing that rich folks have is an “assistant”. You know, the gofer that meets every whim they have. Need some Chunky Monkey at 4 in the morning? Have the assistant do it. So, in my mind, if the assistant is worth a damn, they will prevent the stupidity from happening.

I do understand that a complete nut ball like Mel Gibson just can’t be stopped. Even if you tried to stop him, you would have to listen to his “I hate the Jews” speech and who wants to put up with that…again? But Heather Locklear? She seems so nice. Plus, she used to be a cop on TJ Hooker so she knows the law better than the average citizen. (By the way, if all cops looked like Heather Locklear, the streets would be full of criminals and drunk drivers). Hell, William Shatner is a way bigger drunk and you don’t see him driving around.

I guess the fact that Heather is still alive at 47 after having dated Tom Cruise and Scott Baio is quite the accomplishment in and of itself. (Tommy Lee probably didn’t help the cause either). I just don’t understand why she doesn’t have a chauffeur to drive her around. I have no beef if she wants to load up on Percocet or Darvon and cruise around…Just don’t get behind the wheel.

And you professional athletes, same goes for you and strippers. Stop going to the clubs! Rent a floor at a hotel and have your fun there. You know you are going to get shot, beat or stabbed when you leave the club so why bother? Only Mike Tyson should be hitting the clubs anymore. Everyone knows he is crazy and broke so no one will bother him. He is the new Leon Spinks. (I always loved Leon).

Worst case scenario, call me and I will drive you around. I can’t promise I won’t forget to pick you up because my memory isn’t as good as it used to be. But who cares? I will have your car so you won’t be able to get in trouble anyway. (This offer does not apply to Mel Gibson, Carrot Top or Paris Hilton. I don’t want to sit on her seats… Ewwww)