Is Sarah Jessica Parker Hot Or Not?

February 8, 2009

On an episode of The Office a few weeks ago, they asked this very question about Hillary Swank. (In my opinion, most definitely hot). Today, I watched a new cosmetics commercial that features the face of Sarah Jessica Parker. Immediately, the “hot or not hot” question pops into my mind. The reason it is an issue is because I am assuming that the cosmetics people must think she is great looking…hence picking her as a spokesmodel.

Here is a current pick of Sarah:

sarah-jessica-parker

What the hell am I missing? Why in the world would you pick Sarah as your spokesperson for a beauty product? Is it some sort of ironic match up? Said another way, are they saying “look how ugly she could be without our makeup?” After all of these years, why not get that honkin’ mole cut off of her face? (It has been brought to my attention that the mole, has in fact, been removed. So please replace the mole in the picture with a giant crater. Thank you). Still, so many questions.

I am not going to beat a living horse to death, (Mr. Ed would be envious of those choppers), but I just don’t get it. I didn’t get it when she was on Sex and the City and was supposed to be attractive and I don’t get it now. Plus, she has that gristly body that Madonna sports. Nothing more than a bunch of tendons and muscles wound tightly together. Is that supposed to be the “sexy” part?

At least with Hillary Swank and Jessica Biel, you can have some sort of argument. And I suppose it is even possible that some women find Sarah attractive. But in a “hot or not hot” test applied to men, I see no scenario where Sarah comes out on top. My God, even if you “Brailled” her you would go running for your life.

Ad agencies, please do me a favor. When you are trying to encourage women to buy your product, do not pick someone that looks like they have some sort of Equus heritage. (See how nicely I phrased that?) Pick a woman that other woman want to look like (hint…they should probably be mole-less) and that men are willing to leave their wives for. Here, let me help you. I present to you for consideration Bar Refaeli.

bar-refaeli

(Guys, her eyes can be found towards the top of the photo). Can you see the slight difference between Sarah and Bar? I thought so. The defense rests its case.


Obama Bringing Back Clinton Cronies.

November 10, 2008

What happened to all of the “change” that was supposed to happen? First, Rahm Emanuel and now John Podesta are added to the “new” team. Soon we will be reading that George Stephanopoulos is back in the gang. The only Clinton crony I would be ok seeing is Janet Reno. Mmmm….Janet. What man doesn’t tingle for her?

 

 

janet

 

When I was envisioning Barry’s new team, I thought it would truly be “new” people. Not just a bunch of rehashed Washington insiders who play politics for a living. We have gone that route many times and it always results in the same old policies and political bickering

 

I have already mentioned that Chuck Norris should be the Secretary of Defense. Here are some of my other choices.

 

Secretary of State – Pam Beasley from “The Office”. She is an awesome secretary plus she is hot in that “I don’t know I’m hot” way.

 

Department of the Interior – Flava Flav. Have you seen his house on Cribs? Flav knows how to put an interior together. Plus, free clocks for everyone! (Although you do have to wear them around your neck).

 

Homeland Security Chief. – Hannibal Lecter. I don’t know where he is hanging these days but I know that no one would ever mess with him, or us. Fava beans indeed.

 

Department of Health – Snoop Dog. He is in good shape, lean and knows every drug ever created. Plus, he does not seem to be a Bogart.

 

EPA – No one is better in protecting the environment than Aquaman. He can talk to the fishes plus has the ability to walk on land. He is also good friends with all of the other Super Heroes and doesn’t have the crappy attitude of say, Batman. (Yeah Bruce, we get it. You are full of angst. Enough already)

 

Token Republican appointment – Sarah Palin. Really, was there ever any doubt? Her main job will be to buy clothes and look good. (Barry might need to impose a slight tax increase…her stuff isn’t cheap) Plus, she can keep talking about hockey moms, pigs with lipstick, ACORN, etc. and I get to keep the tissue makers in the black. Did I mention she is still a Maverick?

 

So there is my list, Barry. Obviously, it is way better than yours so if you need to steal some of my selections, feel free to do so. And no, my gay friends, I did not ignore you. I will have a new department. The “Back Door” Negotiation Team. It will be headed up by one of our most famous and popular gays, George Clooney.

 

Sorry Joe “the Di**head” Plumber. No job for you on Barry’s team. Oh, and pay your damned taxes!

 

If you would like to add to my list, please feel free to do so.