Rihanna To Become Full Time Punching Bag

February 28, 2009

In what can only be described as a truly heartwarming story, Rihanna and Chris Brown have apparently gotten back together. Ri-Ri needed the love and devotion of such an exemplary man and Chris needed…well…a human punching bag.

For those of you that have not experienced any quality time with a woman beater, let me help you out. First, it is NEVER the guys fault. It is always something that the woman said or did that provoked the male to behave in such a poor manner. Also, you can bet your bottom dollar that he is going to punch the hell out of another woman sooner or later. It might be the first girlfriend or someone new.

The bottom line is that once you go black, you never go back. It’s the same for punching women. Once you experience the rush of your knuckles caving in a female’s soft flesh and delicate bone structure, nothing is ever quite as satisfying again. Know this about young Chris…he has tasted blood and will taste it again. The odds are stacked very high in favor of that someone being Rihanna.

Before anyone even THINKS of running to the rescue of Mr. Brown, they need to rethink their position. If his punch had been on any number of pressure points on here face, he could have easily killed her. Would he “need a second chance” then? Also, once you are a punk ass bitch that hits women, you always will be. There is no scenario where he will not feel the need to show his power through physical aggression. I don’t know this, but I bet good old Chris is a little fella. Maybe 5’7″ or something like that? Little guys that punch women are the worst. They need to be sent to prison and ass raped as soon as possible to get there head back on straight again. Call it “tough love”.

So Rhianna, I am sorry that the people that are supposed to care about you let you down. I am sure they have convinced you that somehow the incident was partly your fault. They are wrong. There is nothing you can do or say that should cause a man to raise his fists to you. Period. It’s a very simple law that has been around for a very long time. However, since you are not being supported by intelligent people, I can only hope that after one of these beatings you will say, “enough is enough”.

One last thing, Rihanna. While you may be ok with being his sparring partner, do NOT under ANY circumstances bring children into this relationship. If you want to punish yourself and play the victim, fine. But no kid deserves to be brought up in that kind of dysfunctional mess. Uh-oh. I think I hear Chris calling you for your tea time ass whippin’. Try not to bruise so much this time. Much love. TL.

PS: You need to get used to your new look. It will be something like this. Enjoy.


Thank God Bobby Brown Didn’t Punch Rihanna

February 9, 2009

Lord knows Bobby has had enough trouble in his life. He is no angel but let’s be honest; Whitney is probably not the easiest person to live with when she is all cracked out. I don’t condone Bobby slapping her around but I can’t say I am surprised. A black man is obligated to keep his woman under control. And yes, I am black so I can say that. (well…occasionally black).

Anyway, who the hell is this Chris Brown? Here is just another celebrity that I have no clue who he is or what he does. And the same goes for Rihanna. The only Rihanna I know is the song sung by Stevie Nicks. My guess is that these are both R&B singers and, I am not going to lie, I gave up on this genre the day that Barry White died. (I probably should have given up when Smokey Robinson died.)

Anyway, back to being a black man and keeping your woman under control. Mike Tyson said the best punch he ever threw was at Robin Givens. Ike Turner often had to keep Tina under his thumb / fist before she spiraled wildly out of control. Let me be clear, I am not condoning “O.J.-ing” someone but when a mans pride has been tested, he has to do what he has to do.

Sure, some white men have done it. Steve McQueen and Sean Connery have supposedly had to throw a few roundhouses to keep the peace at home. But they were just being macho thugs and had no real excuse. Black women are much stronger than white women both physically and mentally. This is why they are so difficult to control. Also, a black man’s reputation is the most important thing he has.

Do you really think that Denzell or Billy Dee would put up with some woman’s crap and just look like punks? Please…it just doesn’t happen like that. (Unless your name is Steadman). Now you don’t have to like these facts but unless you live within this culture, you have no right to complain or offer an opinion. In many foreign countries, this story would not even be reported. If it was, the guys that read it would think, “serves her right”. (Except it would read like this – لْعَرَبيّةلْعَرَبيّةعَرَبيْ عَرَبيْ . Trust me, I don’t lie).

So Chris, Bobby, Mike, or any of my brothers that occasionally have to throw a straight right cross to keep a woman in line, I understand. You are probably going to get a** raped in jail for doing it but what price are you willing to pay to keep your pride? Straight up.