PETA Angry With First Lady’s Costume

November 1, 2009

The animal advocacy group PETA released the following statement after seeing Michelle Obama dressed in the costume below.

Barry and Michelle

While we appreciate that Mrs. Obama was trying to go for the “cat woman” look with her Halloween costume, she has only opened the door for the continued slaughter of leopards. How many children will see the First Lady and decide that they too want such a costume? The likelihood of massive groups of children flying to Africa and killing leopards is terrifying.

Beyond this issue, the Cat Woman actually wore black leather. While PETA does not endorse the wearing of leather, we believe that Mrs. Obama should have at least made the effort to get it right.

The criticism of the Obama Halloween gathering at the White House did not stop there. The NAACP also released a scathing memo regarding the attire of President Obama.

We at the NAACP were deeply distressed to see Barack Obama dressed as a “black man” for Halloween. It appears he was wearing some sort of Bill Cosby costume and we found this to neither be humorous or accurate. For instance, Mr. Cosby always wears colorful sweaters. Mr. Obama’s failure to meet this basic criteria is deplorable. More disconcerting is the “blackface” that the President thought would be humorous to wear. (Or, in this case, “brownface”).

Although we understand that President Obama is allegedly “partially” black, his effort to portray a real modern day black man falls woefully short of the mark. Where are the gold chains or teeth? Where is the entourage of scantily clothed women? How come Kanye wasn’t invited to the event?

There are a litany of questions we will prepare and present to Mr. Obama once Al and Jesse are back from their vacation in Cabo. We will demand answers.

Lastly, there were several complaints from the children at the event. In keeping with his campaign to improve the health of US citizens, the President and First Lady handed out vegetables from their organic garden to the young trick or treater’s. Young Bubba Stump had this to say. “My daddy drove me all the way from Texas to get a carrot stick? Are you fu**ing kidding me?”

Overall, a tragic Halloween for the First Family. In a bit of good news, the Obama children were not at the event as they were attending a large party at the abandoned Bernie Madoff estate. Miley Cyrus provided entertainment while actor extraordinaire David Hasselhoff did drunken magic tricks. It is reported a good time was had by all.

Olivia Wilde Is Maxim’s “Hottest” Woman?

May 15, 2009

How in the hell is this even slightly possible? Don’t attractive women have to have at least a few of the following: Good skin, boobs, hips, an ass, etc? Sadly, Olivia has none of the above. She is the 2009 version of Olive Oyl. Take a look at this “hot” photo.

olivia wilde

Wow! Does she have some sexy bones or what? Guys, how would you like to rub your face between her…err…well, sternum, I guess. I have seen more meat on my lunchtime sandwich. There is nothing even slightly sexy to be seen here. 

Now, to be fair, she does have a few things going for her. First, the bags under her eyes could probably hold about 300 pounds of my belongings so she would be awesome to travel with. Plus, if you ever had some food caught in your teeth you could use one of her fingers to get it out. 

Please, please, please, stop with the malnourished, waif “hot” list. They look terrible and are not the least bit sexy. Plus they look like they are about to keel over any second now. Get this girl a cheeseburger, stat! 

On the other end of ridiculous selections, Michelle Obama was also listed as one of the top 100 hottest women. She wouldn’t even be the 3rd hottest woman in my house. (She would place behind my wife, daughter and Newfoundland). 

If it was a list of powerful or influential women, I would get it. But hot? C’mon. I know once you go black you never go back but they weren’t talking about Michelle. She is attractive in a “wow, that mouth could do some damage” kind of way, but that’s it. 

I suspect the real point of these lists is to create controversy and build circulation for the magazine. By picking Olive Oyl and Michelle, I would say they have accomplished their mission. Unfortunately, Oscar Wilde is hotter than Olivia and that makes this particular list a complete waste. Better luck next time.

When Did Michelle Obama Become So BLACK?

February 26, 2009

Take a look at this photo from Reuters of Michelle:


Wow! All of the sudden she is black with a capitol “B”! When did this happen? Maybe she was out in the sun too long when they were in Hawaii. But, hell, that was over 2 months ago. It has been nothing but cold in DC since then. Maybe she goes to a tanning salon but I somehow doubt she has the time, or desire, for such things.

No, this is another case of a news organization “O.J.’ing” a black person. You know, the magazine cover where they made OJ look darker so he would seem more menacing? Now they are giving the same treatment to Michelle. One day she has the tone of Halle Berry and now she looks like Flava Flav.

Where is the outrage? This is the kind of stuff that Sharpton should be raising hell about…not the damned monkey cartoon. And please, don’t try to explain it away as a “lighting problem”. How come those same “problems” don’t happen to whitey?

What is remarkable about this is how brazen the media is about such things. TMZ released the Rhianna photo and the masses just assumed it was real. Who said so? I can create the same photo in about 10 minutes time with the software that is available today. But the lemmings just keep marching slowly to the cliff…

Look, I think Michelle is a fairly attractive woman. Granted, she needs to keep those big teeth under control but, overall, she makes a good FLILF. But when you post a photo that makes her look like she just crawled out of a coal mine after a 12 hour shift, well, I have a problem with that.

So Reuters, get your sh** together. This is our First Lady that you are throwing under the bus. I am not cool with that. If you can’t get a decent photo, then just don’t print one. Better yet, get a new camera! (I have a very nice Kodachrome that would do a fine job and can be had for a fairly small fee).

Michelle, I apologize for the racist whiteys out there that continue to make your race an issue. I say it’s about time we had a first lady with some good looking junk in her trunk. (And that can also dance a mean “bump”). Mrs. First Lady, you can fist me anytime you like. God bless you and God bless America. TL.

Presidential Debate #2: A Little Advice

October 7, 2008

In the last few days, I have read how both McCain and Obama are going to “come out swinging” in this debate and start slinging the mud. Mac will talk about Rack’s former “friends”, how he is a liar, how he wants to hurt the American people and crash the economy (If such a thing is still possible).

Rack wants to revisit the Keating scandal and maybe talk about Iran-Contra connections Mac may have had. Overall, trying to paint a portrait of Mac’s shady friends and his desire to screw the American public while taking care of his rich friends.

Here is the problem with this strategy. NO ONE CARES!!! For God’s sake, you 2 idiots, wake up! My retirement fund is getting absolutely pummelled, the number of people getting their power turned off is up 20% in some places and now we have crazy people killing their entire family due to financial stress (but mostly craziness).

No one cares about all of that “who’s the bad guy” crap. All I want to hear is what is the specific plan to calm down the markets, get my house to stop decreasing in value and get the average consumer comfortable with the idea that they won’t have to cancel Christmas shopping this year. I don’t want to hear about 10 years from now either. I want to know what you are doing TODAY and what you intend to do in the next several weeks and months.

You 2 ego maniacs need to show some self control and worry a little less about yourselves and more about the people that you allegedly want to represent. I already know all about the dirty laundry and, frankly, I could care less. I get it. Politicians hang with shady characters and do unseemly things. If you are over the age of 40, you already have seen this time after time after time. (Really Bill, did you have to actually point at the camera when you made your, “I have not had sexual relations with that woman” speech? I am a forgiving person but I still hold that one against you).

One more thing. Instead of saying, “Obama wants to raise your taxes” or “McCain wants to make the rich richer”, get specific about your own damned plan. I don’t care what you think about the other guy or his plans. Leave that to the voter to figure out. Instead, spend the evening talking about yourself and what you are going to do to make my life just a little better.

If you simply can’t do what is right, then entertain us instead. Cancel the debate and schedule a Jello wrestling match between Sarah Palin and Michelle Obama. Sure, it has nothing to do with helping picking the next POTUS but at least we can be entertained while the financial world burns to the ground around us. (My money is on Michelle – I think she may have had secret Muslim fight training).