When Did Michelle Obama Become So BLACK?

February 26, 2009

Take a look at this photo from Reuters of Michelle:


Wow! All of the sudden she is black with a capitol “B”! When did this happen? Maybe she was out in the sun too long when they were in Hawaii. But, hell, that was over 2 months ago. It has been nothing but cold in DC since then. Maybe she goes to a tanning salon but I somehow doubt she has the time, or desire, for such things.

No, this is another case of a news organization “O.J.’ing” a black person. You know, the magazine cover where they made OJ look darker so he would seem more menacing? Now they are giving the same treatment to Michelle. One day she has the tone of Halle Berry and now she looks like Flava Flav.

Where is the outrage? This is the kind of stuff that Sharpton should be raising hell about…not the damned monkey cartoon. And please, don’t try to explain it away as a “lighting problem”. How come those same “problems” don’t happen to whitey?

What is remarkable about this is how brazen the media is about such things. TMZ released the Rhianna photo and the masses just assumed it was real. Who said so? I can create the same photo in about 10 minutes time with the software that is available today. But the lemmings just keep marching slowly to the cliff…

Look, I think Michelle is a fairly attractive woman. Granted, she needs to keep those big teeth under control but, overall, she makes a good FLILF. But when you post a photo that makes her look like she just crawled out of a coal mine after a 12 hour shift, well, I have a problem with that.

So Reuters, get your sh** together. This is our First Lady that you are throwing under the bus. I am not cool with that. If you can’t get a decent photo, then just don’t print one. Better yet, get a new camera! (I have a very nice Kodachrome that would do a fine job and can be had for a fairly small fee).

Michelle, I apologize for the racist whiteys out there that continue to make your race an issue. I say it’s about time we had a first lady with some good looking junk in her trunk. (And that can also dance a mean “bump”). Mrs. First Lady, you can fist me anytime you like. God bless you and God bless America. TL.

Since Racism Is Dead, Can I Make Black Jokes?

January 20, 2009

I don’t actually have any; besides, I am terrible at telling jokes. I just figured since we are now past racism, it would be ok to tell them. I didn’t really think racism would end in my lifetime but, according to various media outlets, you can stick a fork in it cause it’s dead.

I was thinking about going to East LA and start throwing out a bunch of crazy gang signs and screaming, “What’s up my bitches!”. Now that we are all one big family, I am sure the gang bangers would find it really funny. Maybe I could even wear a hood or something…that would probably get me even more laughs.

I am so glad that almost 400 years of racial pain has finally been put to rest. Since we are all one big happy family, can I use the “N” word with my brothers now? I was told that only African Americans could use that term because they have carried the burden of racism. But since we are past that, I should be able to do a bunch more Chris Rock material, no?

I could be wrong but I have a sneaking suspicion that white people came up with the whole, “with a black man being the POTUS, we have cleared the last racial hurdle”. This is an easy way for whitey to wash his hands of the whole mess. You watch, they will try to elect George Lopez next time and consider the Latino and immigration problem solved.  (Sorry women, you don’t really fit into the picture).

So, my friends of color, no longer will you be profiled and pulled over in your car for looking “suspicious”. No longer will you have people following you in the department store asking if they can “help you”. No longer will you hear any fried chicken and watermelon jokes. When you date a white person people will still stare at you but will be thinking, “What a handsome couple”.

Yes, all of our racial problems have been solved. Reverend Wright and Minister Farrakhan will now be on the Sunday morning talk shows sharing their views. Hell, they might even roll out Flava Flav every once in a while. Prisons will no longer be disproportionally filled with young black men and inner city schools will now have a graduation rate of 80% instead of less than 20%.

I could go on but why bother? All of those issues are now problems of the past. God, I feel like bursting out into a chorus of, “We Are the World”. I need to hop up from my computer and go hug some black folks. (Oh, and write some really funny jokes about all people of color. I can’t wait to share them with my new multi-racial family…they are going to love me!

Obama Bringing Back Clinton Cronies.

November 10, 2008

What happened to all of the “change” that was supposed to happen? First, Rahm Emanuel and now John Podesta are added to the “new” team. Soon we will be reading that George Stephanopoulos is back in the gang. The only Clinton crony I would be ok seeing is Janet Reno. Mmmm….Janet. What man doesn’t tingle for her?





When I was envisioning Barry’s new team, I thought it would truly be “new” people. Not just a bunch of rehashed Washington insiders who play politics for a living. We have gone that route many times and it always results in the same old policies and political bickering


I have already mentioned that Chuck Norris should be the Secretary of Defense. Here are some of my other choices.


Secretary of State – Pam Beasley from “The Office”. She is an awesome secretary plus she is hot in that “I don’t know I’m hot” way.


Department of the Interior – Flava Flav. Have you seen his house on Cribs? Flav knows how to put an interior together. Plus, free clocks for everyone! (Although you do have to wear them around your neck).


Homeland Security Chief. – Hannibal Lecter. I don’t know where he is hanging these days but I know that no one would ever mess with him, or us. Fava beans indeed.


Department of Health – Snoop Dog. He is in good shape, lean and knows every drug ever created. Plus, he does not seem to be a Bogart.


EPA – No one is better in protecting the environment than Aquaman. He can talk to the fishes plus has the ability to walk on land. He is also good friends with all of the other Super Heroes and doesn’t have the crappy attitude of say, Batman. (Yeah Bruce, we get it. You are full of angst. Enough already)


Token Republican appointment – Sarah Palin. Really, was there ever any doubt? Her main job will be to buy clothes and look good. (Barry might need to impose a slight tax increase…her stuff isn’t cheap) Plus, she can keep talking about hockey moms, pigs with lipstick, ACORN, etc. and I get to keep the tissue makers in the black. Did I mention she is still a Maverick?


So there is my list, Barry. Obviously, it is way better than yours so if you need to steal some of my selections, feel free to do so. And no, my gay friends, I did not ignore you. I will have a new department. The “Back Door” Negotiation Team. It will be headed up by one of our most famous and popular gays, George Clooney.


Sorry Joe “the Di**head” Plumber. No job for you on Barry’s team. Oh, and pay your damned taxes!


If you would like to add to my list, please feel free to do so.