What Kind Of Talent Does One Need To Be A DJ?

August 31, 2009

After reading about the death of DJ AM, (which was an obvious outcome if you have seen Final Destination), I became curious as to how one gets into this line of work. 

Radio DJ’s have been around for a long time but club DJ’s are relatively new. The ones that spin platters at strip clubs, my friends tell me, at least have the job of introducing the stripper so I can see why they are needed. 

But what does someone like Sam Ronson do? Does she chit chat with the audience? If so, what does she say and who the hell would want to listen to her in the first place? Does she “scratch” like Grandmaster Flash? I don’t think so because she is a white girl. So exactly what is it? 

To my knowledge, to break into the DJ world, you need to have a turntable or two. I’ve got that. Then, you need to have a wicked pisser record collection. I’ve also got that. Probably you should have a sound system with some big speakers. My Jensens more than fit the bill. There you have it…you are now officially a DJ. 

Here is a photo of my travelling kit:

my kit


With all of the equipment in hand, I guess you have to take requests. I suppose you are even supposed to play crappy songs like “Safety Dance” and “Mmm Bop”. (Ok, I am kidding about Mmm Bop…that song is the shizzle). What else is there at this point? 

When I am “DJ’ing” a party at my house, I try to make sure the tunes keep everyone pumped up. (True, those of you who know me know that I don’t have parties but I am trying to tell a story so stay with me). I hit people with some Barry White before having them do gay party songs. YMCA anyone? 

Is this what DJ AM and his peers do? If so, is there any reason I can’t do it? The young folks love me because they can catch an easy contact high off of me plus I am down with the latest groovy tunes. I can bring my milkshake to the yard if you know what I mean. 

If any of you are looking for a DJ that has some slammin’ Osmond albums, just shoot me an e-mail. I can perform at almost any function except those where clowns will be present. I have a mirror ball that can also be rented at a reasonable price. We will party likes it’s 1999!