I Would Like A Big Mac With A Nickel Bag

February 24, 2009

Small business entrepreneurs pay attention. Douglas Brice has come up with a great way to supplement your fast food pay. Simply sell marijuana at the drive through as people collect their food. How simple is that?

Unfortunately, some idiot snitched on Doug to the po-po and they busted¬†him when he sold them some weed from the McDonalds drive thru. Clearly, the snitch was just mad because he/she didn’t think of it first. It is a simple yet brilliant idea. I am sure it happens all of the time but I just don’t get out much.

So, in an effort to provide some decent undercover journalism, I went to my local Wendy’s at lunch today to buy some of the demon weed. (I left McDonald’s alone because I don’t want to pile on). Here is what happened:¬†

Voice in box (VIB): Can I help you?

Me: Yes, I would like a number four with a diet coke. Oh, and throw in a dime bag of your best weed.

VIB: A number 4 with a diet. What was the rest of your order?

Me: Some pot…you know, Maryjane, ganja.

VIB: Sir, I don’t understand what you are saying.

Me: Does anyone in there listen to The Dead or Bob Marley? I need some herb!

VIB: Do you mean our herb chicken sandwich?

Me: No! I need some Rasta, mon!

VIB: Pasta? Sir, we don’t have pasta.

At that moment, the police officer in the car behind me laid on his horn and I bailed. The thrill of the “almost” chase reminded of watching the OJ chase. I then proceeded over to Arby’s because this attempt to score had made me very hungry.

Since the drugs at the fast food idea has been taken, I need to come up with something new. What about bodily organs? You could say kidney, heart, liver, etc. and it still kind of sounds like food. “Yes sir, one young kidney to go. That will be $12,000. Please pull up to the first window”. (Voice screaming inside…”Paco! We are running low on kidneys. You need to restock”. To which Paco replies, “Si”.

I love the way people always think of new and better ways to generate commerce. THIS is the kind of stuff that makes me proud to be an American. This blunt is for you Douglas Brice. May your star continue to shine bright!