Am I Gay If I Still Love Freddie Mercury?

March 15, 2009

I must admit…I am sitting here on another Sunday morning listening to Fred sing about a variety of subjects. Of course, I have heard all of these songs many, many times over the years so there is really nothing new to be heard. Still, I keep coming back for more after 25 years of listening to Queen. I have love for Brian and Roger too (not so much for John) but Freddie is the man. Albeit a gay man.

So, maybe I have some sort of recessed gay gene in me that attracts me to the music. Granted, I don’t much care for other gay singers so I might just as likely be fascinated by his ginormous teeth or porn stache (which I have already admitted having a fascination with although I no longer wear one). I shouldn’t be troubled by this love for Queen music but, somehow I am.

Do you remember when you found out that Billy Squier was gay? Do you remember how dirty you felt after singing “The Stroke” thousands of time without knowing what he really meant? For those of you too young to remember, let me rewind the clock a little. Billy came out of Boston with a great pop rock sound. He was writing rock anthem after rock anthem and then “the video” came out. Oh…my…God. It even made Clay Aiken and Boy George blush. Here it is:

(You are probably going to need to take a shower to wash the gay off of you. Go ahead….I’ll wait.)

So, if other gay artists are not my cup of tea, why am I so fascinated by Freddie? The easy answer is his tremendous talent but that doesn’t quite fill the bill. I love Tom Petty, James Taylor and Lemmy from Motörhead but am not obsessed with those guys. I will tell you a secret, just between you and I. When Fred died all those years ago my eyes filled with tears. (This from a man who is frequently questioned about whether or not I actually have tear ducts). When Ben Orr from The Cars or other rock and roll stars die, I am saddened but not completely bummed out like when Freddie died.

So, please let me know if I should buy a rainbow sticker for my car or plan to march in a gay pride parade. I really don’t want to but maybe I owe it to my suppressed gay side. Of course, if it is just a fascination with a talented musician, I would feel a hell of a lot better about it. I know that makes me shallow but I am fairly confident we have already sussed that fact out many months ago.

I miss you Freddie. In a completely hetero and masculine way.

freddie-mercury


Did A Plane Crash Or Something?

January 16, 2009

Good grief. Do we really need this constant coverage? I get it. A plane crashed and people are lucky they survived. Look at that, I told the whole story in a whopping 9 words. How many times can you say the same thing over and over? Is there not anything else important happening in the world?

How about Dubya’s big going away speech last night? Granted, I didn’t watch it because I was agitated that it interfered with my Thursday TV ritual. Still, I bet Dubya had some really important stuff to say. He might have even told the “fool me twice” story again. How about some coverage of that?

And today we learn that Boy George is going to have to serve 15 months in prison for doing something to some guy. (Again, because it was about Boy George, I failed to look up the finer details). By the way, it seems unfair to me that Boy gets to go to an all male prison. How is that punishment? Most of these guys are buff and even the straight guys will play pitch and catch in jail. Seems he should ordered to watch sports all day instead.

And we definitely need more coverage of Johnny Knoxville taking a dead grenade into LAX. Really, Johnny? That is where your career is at these days? No one is willing to see you punched in the sac for the 500th time? You could have at least done something dignified like drive drunk or shoplifted with Winona Ryder.

By the way, is the thing where Israel is bombing the hell out of Gaza still going on? I haven’t heard much about it in the last day or two so maybe they were able to get all of that worked out. Or maybe it is slowing morphing into the Iraq situation. You know, a lot of coverage early on but, seven years later, not so much.

Oh, and in case you haven’t heard, Madonna has a nude picture being auctioned at Christie’s auction house. They estimate the photo is worth $25,000. To who!!! Is there anyone on the planet that has not seen her in all of her glory yet? You remember the pictures…she looked like she had taped a Koala Bear to her crotch and had two squirrels under her arm pits. Yeah, those images really stoked the old fires.

Enough of the airplane crash. Please. And, no, we don’t need Anderson Cooper reporting live from the submerged cockpit.