Occupy Wall Street Or Twilight: Breaking Dawn?

November 16, 2011

Since I am boycotting Black Friday because it has now been moved to Thursday, I have some extra time to stand around somewhere. The two obvious choices are to Occupy Wall Street (OWS) or stand in line for the premier of the new Twilight movie.

I think an occupation sounds much longer than standing in line but I am told the lines to these Twilight movies are ridiculous. From a “save the world” point of view, OWS just barely beats out killer vampires and all of the other Satanic stuff that comes with Twilight. Are blood sucking corporations any less dangerous than the Twilight devil people? I think not. But, I don’t literally have to go to Wall Street to protest. I can just make a small sign and wave it from my couch. It is the thought that counts people.

However, standing in line with a bunch of Satan worshippers sounds like a lot of fun too. I hear that one of the characters is named Bela after Bela Lugosi. I love those old movies! Plus there is a werewolf and a guy with a scar in the shape of a lightening bolt on his head. Frankenstein? Could be. Just sounds like a lot of fun to me. I hope the fact that I haven’t seen any of the first six movies doesn’t matter. Maybe my new friends in line will fill me in on the details.

Still, the OWS group is older and more likely to be high. They seem to be a lot like Juggalos and lord knows I love those crazy people. They will show you their boobs for $1 or less! Where else can you get that except at a strip club or under the overpass on MLK Blvd? (See photo below for proof). Plus, there is always the threat of police brutality which makes for awesome YouTube videos.

What guy doesn’t love a girl with big boobs that can’t spell? To be fair, I bet if I look for hot Twilight women, there will be plenty of them as well.

Wait…wha…??? I didn’t know Twilight had gone all Brokeback Mountain. When the hell did this happen? Not that I am against this sort of thing but I doubt Bela Lugosi would approve. (Although the guy on the right does have some sexy sideburns). FYI, if they are going to go in this direction, they should at least be sharing some tongue.

Well, it’s settled. I am not going to attend either event. The truth is, the battery in my Rascal Scooter would not last long enough to get me where I am going. Plus, I am sure someone would have something snarky to say about me going commando. You kids have fun.

Why Do Churches Kick Their Own People Out?

November 4, 2011

As many of you know, I am not a big fan of religion. The whole, “My God is better than your God” mantra is beyond silly. Every group seems to be the “chosen people”. If there is a God, I just don’t see why he would establish a bunch of teams to compete against each other. Seems counter productive to me.

Anyway, a family member recently told me a story about a young woman who belonged to her church. She told me the story because she felt what happened was wrong but also felt powerless to confront the church’s hierarchy. (And really, who wants to go to a church where you are actually allowed to dissent?)

In a nutshell, the young woman had no job and was on welfare. At some point, she stopped tithing 10% of her welfare check to the church. First of all, are you even supposed to tithe welfare money? It’s not like you worked for it. It feels like you are involving God in some kind of money laundering scheme. In the eyes of the church, she absolutely was still required to give the 10%. In fact, they told her if she did not, she would be excommunicated from the church. She said she simply couldn’t afford it and they kicked her out. She is now, I suppose, just a regular old heathen like me.

I must admit that I was surprised to hear this story. I thought Jesus loved poor people, hookers, and sick leopards. I can’t imagine a scenario where Jesus would kick one of his followers out for not ponying up some cash. Just doesn’t seem like a very Christian thing to do, does it? But, since this was just a one-off story, I didn’t think too much more about it.

Then I came across this letter on-line:

This person got kicked out of church for poor attendance! Again, I didn’t even know such a thing was possible. The best part, however, is not only is this person being thrown out, they are being sent directly to Satan! I don’t know all of the rules of religion but this seems like a slightly harsh sentence, no? If this is truly a rule, Hell must be overrun with people. Who has perfect attendance at church except your Auntie and Grandma?

I also enjoyed the caveat at the end of the letter. If you choose to give up your whoring life, contact us and we will call Jesus to get things straightened out. Jesus, Pastor Shady, your just a bit of a control freak, aren’t you? I am pretty sure that there is more than one way to find God than through the Cornerstone Church.

Church people of the world, please stop turning on your own peeps. When they are down, that’s when they need you most. Not to lecture them or give them to Satan but to help them through whatever troubles they are enduring. If Jesus was willing to help the poor, the hookers, and the sick leopards, I am sure you can see your way to forgiving a late payer or someone with poor attendance. At least give it a shot. Amen.

Judge William Adams: Douchebag Of The Year

November 1, 2011

Came across this video in the Interweb and it just makes me sick to my stomach. It has already gone viral and I hope it opens the eyes of people everywhere. This crap is going on everyday.

As I understand it, the daughter has held onto this video for 7 years and just a few days ago, after a phone argument with her father, released it on-line. The video speaks for itself.

Personally, spanking a child is, in my mind, a parents choice. However, this was nothing less than a brutal beating. Judge Adams loses all control and intends to inflict as much physical and emotional pain as possible. From my point of view, this is clearly a criminal assault. Since he is a judge and it has been 7 years, I doubt there will be any criminal charges brought against him. However, I certainly hope that his days as a family court judge (oh, the irony), will come to an immediate end.

That’s the end of my “nice” reporting. The truth is if I ever had a chance to get my hands on that co**smoker, I would beat him to within an inch of his life. He is a disgrace to every group he is associated with. Man, husband, father, judge…you name it. To beat someone because you are physically able to is the worst kind of cowardice. I don’t doubt for a moment that his wife was, at the least, mentally abused. Apparently, since this video was taken, she has left him for that very reason.

It distresses me that this happens all of the time and most of us are oblivious to it. When something like this does come to the public forefront, two things should happen. First, the perpetrator should face the full wrath of the legal system and court of public opinion. Beyond that, I hope it empowers other children to come out and seek help from their abusers. Should people who spank their children be treated as criminals? I don’t think so. But if anyone in their right mind thinks that this video reflects anything close to good parenting, they should have their tubes tied or nuts cut.

Sorry for the depressing post but I am just disgusted.

PS: I just realized that in my angered state I called the judge a “co**smoker”. This, of course, is completely inappropriate as it could be construed that I am equating the judge to a man or woman that provides oral sex. I would never insult oral givers in such a horrible way. So, I will let Chevy Chase try to express my feelings.