Worst Job Ever? Insurance Agent

How do I know this? Because these peckerwoods call me almost everyday asking if I want to sell insurance. No one else calls, mind you…just every insurance company known to mankind. At least with my e-mail I can send them straight to the spam bucket.

I know you are thinking, “Gee TL, just don’t answer the phone”. Well that sounds like a good plan but what if Salma or Sarah Palin are trying to call me? I don’t know the area codes for LA and Alaska. Besides, people sell me all kinds of cool things through telemarketing. I’m not going to give that up to avoid the insurance scammers.

What I don’t understand is why my resume appeals to them. I have no discernible talent or expertise in anything. Is this what qualifies me? Are they looking for a blank slate to turn into a mind controlled insurance zombie? Are they just calling every single resume that gets posted online somewhere? If so, how freakin’ awful of a job is it when you have to ask every living, breathing person to take the job. Hell, Burger King or Wal-Mart aren’t even that desperate.

And what if I said yes to them? I couldn’t sell anything. In fact, I reverse sell everything I do. For instance, if I’m at a restaurant I will say, “You don’t have diet coke, do you?” Or when I was single, I might say, “If your vagina was on fire, and I was the only person nearby, you wouldn’t let me put it out, would you?” (By the way, the answer to the last question is invariably “no”).

Beyond all of that, insurance is the single biggest scam in the world. Scare the crap out of people so that they pay into a system that has a worse payout than the lottery. Of course it does! Just like the casino, insurance companies are in business for one reason…to make money. How am I supposed to lie to people and tell them that they need life insurance when there is no rule that says they have to die?  Wait…there is a rule that says they have to die? First, that sucks because I was pretty sure I would live forever and second, insurance sounds like a great thing to have.

Ok insurance companies of the world. Expect a phone call from me any day now. I want to sell life insurance to really, really old people in hospitals. They need it and I think I could win them over with my charm and minor bribery. (Plus, I could knock boots with some of the widows before they kick).

See? It’s a legitimate question.

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6 Responses to Worst Job Ever? Insurance Agent

  1. nonnie9999 says:

    if someone feels like her vagina is on fire, she might want to look into buying some life insurance. or maybe you should just sell fire extinguishers, tl.

    • elizabeth3hersh says:

      Maybe she sat on a mound of red ants in which case TL might have better luck peddling exterminating services. Gee, I can’t remember the last time my vagina felt like it was on fire…it was either that last lingering bout of a nasty yeast infection or perhaps sometime before Peter Falk came down with dementia. I think the medical vernacular is ‘stasis’…a pity.

    • tannerleah says:

      I was thinking maybe they would have some sort of cream to put on it.

  2. chuck says:

    Great writing…stumbled onto your blog from the keyword “bong” keep it up.

    get high make noise sounds like a life plan to me…

    chuck

  3. Soulless says:

    I found this sitting at my insurance desk, listening to my soulless owner tell people they can “save” money by dropping collision. yes “save” money. however if an uninsured douchebag hits them they wont get the $4000 for the shitbox they drive. Sooo how much are they saving dropping the $175 portion of the policy off. They could prob buy it cheaper with collision elsewhere. how do these guys sleep at night? oh yeah after stuffing their face with the money they get from these people they are real tired.

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