After all, what in the hell is the purpose of this day? To honor a Catholic saint? I’m not Catholic so why would I honor him, or any other religious icon. (Except for Christmas…there is no scenario where I’m giving that one up). Besides, don’t other religions have similar saint-like people? Don’t the Jews or Muslims have someone? Why can’t they get a day? I don’t get it.
If this is just an attempt to make the Irish happy, then I also have a problem with that. How come the Italians or Spanish don’t get a “special” day. Why just the Irish? All they have given us is gingers, midgets and potatoes. Now, I’m not going to lie, the potato giving is almost a good enough reason to get a special day but not quite. Besides, when have the Irish needed a special reason to get drunk? It’s like giving priests a special “children’s lap sitting” day; they don’t need one. The other 364 days work just fine.
How about we just stop having holidays for everyone. If you love St Patrick, wear green and get drunk everyday. If you love the Easter Bunny, and who doesn’t, give your children a basket of candy everyday of the week. It’s not like they aren’t already big fat cows so what’s a little more candy going to hurt? Have them wash it down with an “energy” drink. And please, get rid of St Valentine’s day. I don’t know who the hell this Saint is but he/she costs me way too much money.
Ok. Everything I wrote above is a lie. I LOVE St. Patrick’s Day! C’mon, how can you not like “Erin go braless” as a motto for the day. That should be the motto everyday. (Obviously, this would not apply to Erin Andrews because she does not like people looking at her boobs). Plus, I read you can rent a midget for just $35,000 on St. Patty’s Day. Say what you want about midgets, but they have high moral and ethical standards. You want to dress me in green and throw me around like a bag of garbage? You’re going to pay for it buddy.
Here is my costume for this year. I didn’t quite know where to put my “Kiss me I’m Irish sticker” so I just ad libbed. It’s where I normally wear my mistletoe so I thought this would also work. Hope you enjoy and Happy Saint Patrick’s Day!!! TL