Baby (and probably Jesus) Gives Sarah Palin Bigger Boobs

Well, the lame stream media is at it again. They are running a scandalous story that our girl Sarah has gone out and purchased new breasts. Obviously, nothing could be further from the truth.

As we all know, Sarah has ovaries that drop eggs more often than Tiger nails white chicks. It’s just how God made her. (Thank you Jesus). Anyway, once again, Sarah got knocked up by her stud husband, Snow Plow (or whatever the hell his name is).

Because she already has a quiver full of children, she simply could not afford to have another one. (Plus, the last one didn’t come out exactly fully baked). Being a responsible person, she knew she could not keep the baby. However, as a good Christian, abortion was not an option. So Sarah did what she knew she had to do. She smoked crack and drank Jim Beam until the little thing just shot out of her hoo-hoo like a rocket. Problem solved.

Except it’s not quite as simple as that. Her boobs did not get the message that the plan had been changed and proceeded to fill her love jugs with milk. She initially was not going to encourage this behavior from her breasts because, frankly, the thought of Snow Plow suckling her 24/7 was very unappealing.

Fortunately, before she had a chance to squeeze all of the milk out and go down to a disappointing C cup, she went on her morning run in Wasilla. She did not have a new bra to hold all of her womanhood in so she was bouncing all over the place. As men ogled her and started pitching tents in their pants, she started to appreciate the power of her new bosom. Plus, when she stopped to have a seat on a bench and catch her breath, a baby raccoon came up to her and started nuzzling her heaving bazookas. Acting on her motherly instincts, Sarah quickly pulled out a buck knife, slit the coon’s throat, and gutted it for dinner in just under 30 seconds.

I know the above story is true because I live next door to Sarah and saw it happen. Ok, I don’t literally live next door but my surveillance cameras really make me feel like I do. My source, Paco, tells me that Sarah is going to keep her fun bags until the 2012 election. She is confident that she can get at least 20% more of the male vote. Plus, Bill Clinton has volunteered to be her campaign manager and she has accepted so she can land the black vote. (It is unclear what Clinton will get in return but he said he will pay the dry cleaning bill…whatever that means). It is rumored that her campaign slogan will be, “Palin in 2012. Got milk yet?”

I realize that jealous women will have catty things to say but they need to get over it. Sarah Palin is now the standard by which all women will be measured. So, ladies, you better get cracking on getting those flapjacks inflated or the new PILF will steal your man before you know what hit you. God bless you, Sarah.

Drill, baby, drill indeed. (Can you pass the Kleenex box, please?)

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25 Responses to Baby (and probably Jesus) Gives Sarah Palin Bigger Boobs

  1. Jill says:

    It kinda looks like she’s starting to go blonde as well. Just an observation….

  2. nonnie9999 says:

    i hadn’t heard about this until now. thanks for keeping me abreast of the situation, tl. lucky for her, the plastic surgeon is not like her, and he completed the job instead of quitting halfway through. if not, she’d be constantly unbalanced. oh wait, she already was.

  3. elizabeth3hersh says:

    In the wacky world we live in, anything is possible including Clinton/Palin divorces, subsequent remarriages to each other and the Presidency in 2012 (it’s in the sequel). Just the thought of Bill Clinton and Sarah Palin getting their freak on in the White House brings to mind all sorts of earthquake terminology: Richter scales, epicenter, seismic activity, fault lines, tectonic plates, magma, foreshocks, aftershocks…God, that would be interesting.

    TL, I want that necklace she’s sporting. I want it, I want it, I want it!!!

  4. duff says:

    why is it the left is so hateful….unbelievable nastiness….the Palin family has been harassed beyond compare. Almost none of it has been the truth just blatant lies over and over again. And, as far as how much attention she gives her children and Trigg in particular is none of your business and you also have no idea what her relationship is with her children. How arrogant & judgmental can you be and I bet you would be the first one to criticize anyone that judged your life. Lady, your blog is one of the most hateful one’s I have seen…you just don’t like anyone that disagrees with you…..you want to pick on someone, check out Rosie….she’s a real voice of reason, oh for sure!

    • elizabeth3hersh says:

      If you followed this blog for more than one day, duff, you would know that Mr. Tannerleah is smitten with Mrs. Palin, a fellow groupie, and a compulsive fapper with images of her juicy melons and sweet ass (his words, not mine) dancing in his brain as he soaks yet another Kleenex.

    • tannerleah says:

      Thank you Duff for bringing me back to earth. I don’t get out of the trailer park much and I tend to be a little bitter. Plus, as my readers know, I lost my leg recently and that has kind of sucked. Who wants to dance with a one legged chick? Sure, I still have my looks and a huge rack but the constant thump, thump, thump of my peg leg really turns people off.

  5. davehambo says:

    TL, a balanced rant of quality! (also devious, lateral thinking and possibly true?)

  6. Laura says:

    I’ve always wanted a female president.. initially I was interested in a great sense of compassion and reason..less aggression, more IQ.. But, maybe I was wrong.. because you’ve helped reinforce, yet again, that the true measure of a woman is her cup size.
    Thank you my dear…

  7. elizabeth3hersh says:

    After being asked by a Fox correspondent if she had any “enhancements”, Mrs. Palin responded with (and specifically referenced bloggers):

    “They need to get a life.”

    “They should pick up a shovel and volunteer at the Gulf.”

    “…and they should save a whale.”

    Undoubtedly, she was referring to the whales that swim off the coast of Louisiana.

    • tannerleah says:

      I have saved a whale. Her name was Trudy Cousins and she choked on a banana while showing off to the other campers. I couldn’t reach my arms around her so I head butted her gut and the banana came flying out. She “performed” for me later that night and still couldn’t get the banana trick right. No worries…I backdoored her instead. True story!

  8. A Clinton/Palin ticket would be nice, seeing as the other Clinton has already divorced herself from reality. Plus she joined the Obama team, which obligingly threw her a bone after the nomination. Chances are when the moment comes, they’ll toss her under the bus as well.

    I can’t honestly say that Bill and Sarah will see eye-to-eye, but I’m sure eye-to-chest will work just as well.

    I also appreciate her singling out bloggers with her answers, which is apparently much easier than, I don’t know, naming some motherfucking newspapers or magazines that you read.

    Great comparison shot though. Without that, I’d have no idea what the hell you were talking about, lady.

  9. sdaedalus says:

    In fairness, if you look at the beauty pageant video of Sarah in a swimsuit, the boobs are not that much different. I think she has been deliberately dressing to down play them in the past.

  10. RubyTwoShoes says:

    While the breast confusion post Jim Beam abortion does seem plausible, it seems just as feasible to me that God himself saw fit to ‘miraculously’ remodel her one evening…

  11. bschooled says:

    “Sarah has ovaries that drop eggs more often than Tiger nails white chicks.”

    This is one of the many reasons why I anxiously await your next book, TL. I don’t care how long it takes, just so long as I get a signed copy.

  12. […] is a dolt in a nice package, that she has no depth. Those who hate her … well it’s not pretty, the things they say. And that’s just the […]

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