No Fatties Wanted At Hooters

Well, to be clear, no fat servers are wanted at Hooters. Cassandra Smith was a waitress at Hooters until she ballooned up to 132 pounds. At 5’8”, this height to weight ratio makes her super, duper, fat-o-rama…according to the BMI rating system. (Just slightly over morbidly obese).

Hooters, wary of the needs of their clientele, asked Mama Cass to lose some weight and put her on a 30 day probation. Our super sized waitress apparently could not stand the thought of giving up Ring Dings and Twinkies and promptly resigned. She said she was “humiliated and offended”. I would think that the fact that men paid her to NOT serve them would have been more offensive, but maybe not.

In a not so surprising move, Cassandra immediately filed a lawsuit against Hooters saying that Michigan law, the state where she worked, prohibits terminating someone due to their “non-slimness”. Hooters counters this claim by saying that the waitresses are hired as “performers” and appearance is a critical part of their act.

(On a side note, had I known that Hooters girls were performers, I would have been much more demanding as a customer. Certainly, at a minimum, I would have asked them to do the splits and probably had them do a number of cartwheels.)

(On another side note, I just found out that the neighbor down the street from me looks like a medium sized blimp. I was turning the corner in my car, when I noticed a yellow VW Bug in the corner of my eye. (Not literally). When I turned to face it, I saw that it was this enormous mammal (man?) with a bright yellow top on. I think he had pants on but his fat hung down to his knees so I couldn’t really tell. He blocked my car as he rolled / dawdled / teetered across the road. I would say it took him about 12 minutes to move about 30 feet. I would have rammed his fat ass if I didn’t know that my SUV would have been completely totaled. If you ever wondered what happened to the show “Jake and the Fatman”, now you know. The dude in the yellow shirt ate Jake. And very possibly the rest of his family.)

Anyway, back to Cassandra. I don’t really know if 132 pounds is fat but, if Hooters says it is, who am I to argue? They run a fine organization with their only interests being to tout women’s rights and end the stigma of women being objectified just for their looks. That is why they put them in uniforms, like the military, to discourage individualism and encourage their female employees to be empowered, liberated, and on equal footing with their male counterparts. God bless Hooter’s for leading this important cause. They realize that fat women only hurt this endeavor by making men less likely to eat chicken wings. Makes perfect sense to me.

To be fair, I should point out that some of the other Hooters Girls around the country feel that Cassandra is being mistreated and support her position. This group of employees from the Biloxi Mississippi Hooters recently went on strike to show solidarity. While they are obliviously within the weight guidelines of the company, they still felt it was important to support their much larger sister. Somewhere, Norma Rae is smiling proudly.

(By the way, I have crossed the 500 posts mark. Congrats to me for taking up so much room on the Interweb).

19 Responses to No Fatties Wanted At Hooters

  1. nonnie9999 says:

    other waitresses were going to march in solidarity with cassandra, but they want to keep their jobs, so they haven’t eaten in 3 weeks, and they’re too weak to pick up picket signs.

    p.s. congrats on 500! 😀

  2. elizabeth3hersh says:

    Oh, to be young and taut (and sexually active) again. One can dream and reminisce. After mulling this over it occurred to me that I would pay (and pay dearly) an employer to keep my weight in check. As everyone knows, ‘weight’ in itself does not tell the whole story. Since muscle is heavier than fat, a woman could theoretically weigh 20-30 lbs more than her ‘fattier’ (lighter) counterpart and still look fabulous. In other words, a women can have a low BMI, yet appear to have more fat than a woman with a normal BMI. Cassandra’s weight didn’t get her pulled into the office, flab and fit (as in uniform) did. The eyes of management told the story and they arrived at a business decision.

    Gotta run. I’m skedaddling off to find an employer who I can pay to needle me in to losing these last 10 lbs, and who will throw in a free gym membership.

  3. Tannerleah –

    Congratulations on 500 posts. That’s a hell of a lot of blogging, especially when you appear to take several long hiatuses (hiati?) and sabbaticals per year. I’ve only recently discovered your blog so I would presume you started this blog in Al Gore’s garage back in 1991. Correct me if I’m wrong.

    Of course, there’s no better way to celebrate 500 posts than a lengthy article about a woman who didn’t feel demeaned by her job as a “exotic food handler” until she was fired from it.

    Lord knows I’m a fan of frivolous lawsuits (see C.L. Tanager v. Peter Jennings – his failure to properly enunciate was the cause of severe mental fatigue and problem drinking; C.L. Tanager v. The Kingsmen – for ruining every parade/high school football game ever with the release of “Louie, Louie”), but when someone can’t take being fired for any reason (real, imagined or illegal), this whole “employer-employee” relationship has gone to hell in a handbasket full of apologies and artisan muffins.

    Why, I have been at the receiving end of multiple firings during my time in workforce. As I understood it, the best work was done while waiting for the hammer to inevitably fall.

    The following is a small sampling of the myriad firings I’ve accrued during a long and storied career in a variety of menial positions:

    – Failure to put in enough overtime
    – Putting in too much overtime
    – Bringing salsa to the company picnic
    – Failure to observe handwritten rule in margin of page 72 in the H.R. Handbook
    – Talking about Fight Club
    – Failure to notify supervisor prior to bathroom break
    – Failure to control bladder for entire 16-hour shift
    – Showing up for work drunk
    – Showing up for work (Union employer)
    – Showing up the boss in front of the secretary he was giving the eye to
    – Failure to notify boss of said secretary’s Mob enforcer husband
    – Open mockery of new employees and their “can do” attitude
    – Failure to break new employees’ spirits
    – Bringing hummus to the company picnic
    – Using a stapler as a weapon
    – Using sarcasm as a weapon
    – Using a gun as a blunt-force weapon
    – Failed blackmail attempt(s)
    – Not being tall enough to ride this ride
    – Rampant misuse of company time/toilet paper/fax machine
    – Inadvertent laugh during Greco-Roman wrestling team-building exercise
    – Failure to meet mandatory retirement age
    – Clerical error

    At no time did I ever consider suing the companies involved. After all, they were the financial geniuses who were hard at work turning billions into more easily counted millions. Who was I to question their motives, tastes or sexual orientation repeatedly?

    This former Mrs. Hooter needs to toughen up and slim down. The world’s a mean and petty place and there’s simply no room for human emotions or weight-based failure.

    Thanks for the wonderful rant, Tannerleah. Keep fighting those wildfires with fire. Sometimes two wrongs will make a right.

    C.L. Tanager

    • tannerleah says:

      Wow, Mr. CLT. Where to begin on such a grand comment? At the beginning, I suppose.

      I used to be a much more prolific writer but my commitment to Sarah Palin and midgets has really cut into my time. (It’s worth it, though).

      Your desire to attack the deceased, Peter Jennings in this case, immediately makes you a hero in my eyes. No pussies wanted here. (Although our Canadian (aka Mexico North) readers will no doubt feel persecuted…like they ALWAYS do).

      Your list for being fired is impressive. I would have liked to seen something involving a cat, duct tape, jelly, 4 push pins, a disco ball, and dentures but I am just being picky. I bow before your ineptitude.

      You are correct about the fat chick. She needs to slim down or learn to swallow something besides food. Simple as that.

      I like to think it is always darkest just before the storm. It’s that kind of thinking that makes me such a people person.

      Welcome to my humble home and I look forward to visiting your crib when it opens.

    • elizabeth3hersh says:

      I second that, TL. Mr. Tanager never fails to deliver with his comments. Please continue to give him an excuse to visit your site and entertain us with his insightful and colorful commentary.

  4. Laura says:

    Hold on here. 132 lbs for a 5’8′ woman is not fat.. it’s not really even overweight.. so you and your sexist,racist,skinny black man alter ego better stop with this stuff before I bring my (apparently) obese white ass over there and take you down, brother!!!

    {500 posts? Congrats!}

    • tannerleah says:

      Look chubby. Put down the bag of marshmallows (yes, the miniature ones make you just as fat as the big ones), and look in the mirror. You see that roll around your waist that looks like a fat, pale python strangling your belly button? That needs to go if you want to work at Hooters.

      (Obviously, I am not actually referring to you specifically, just fat chicks in general).

      • Anonymous says:

        132 pounds isn’t fat at all, now 232 pounds thats fat! but seriously im in high shcool and most girls weigh around 120-140 lbs. I dont belive thats fat and i couldn’t care less if you disagree with me.

  5. jill says:

    she must have been eating some of their food.

    high-5 on the 500!

  6. nursemyra says:

    what’s the skinny chick in the pink bikini doing in that photo?

  7. Yo yo. 132 pounds @ 5’8” is so far from fat that you’d need a telescope to see it. I don’t really know what that means either but I’m kinda offended. I hope this chick sues and gets mad $$. Ugh. Who needs Hooters when you have internet porn?

    Congrats on the 500!! I came out of hiding just to wish you that. BE HONORED.

    • tannerleah says:

      To be fair, the internet does not have chicken wings and Mountain Dew.

      Glad to see you out and about. You have become very Jimmy Hoffa-esque lately. Don’t get me wrong, I love a comfortable trunk as much as the next person but Vinnie should let you out a little more often.

  8. I found many helpful dieting suggestions on this website called the celebeater it covers celebrity diets along with movie star celebrity exercise programs. This made it easier for myself thereforeI simply thought I’d pass this on for everyone around struggling with weight loss.

  9. Alyssa says:

    Actually at 5’8, for a woman, you are not overweight until 150lbs, according to the BMI chart. Maybe do some research before you try to pass something off as true, when a simple google search indicates otherwise. Also, this whole article is shit. Your pretentious attitude stinks. I hope you get fat one day. So fat, that people laugh at you and it hurts your feelings. I hope the hurt never leaves and you cry yourself to sleep because your whole world is crumbling around because you became what you despise, a fat bastard. And yes, just like the size and features of fat bastard from Austin powers. I hope you then live in misery. I hope all of your loved ones stay away from you at this point because you smell like shit. Not because your fat though, you smell like shit because your attitude sucks.
    ~~Fuck you,
    Alyssa B

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