One of the early blogs I posted was a rant on people throwing cigarette butts out of their car windows anywhere they deemed appropriate. To my chagrin, my effort to educate the masses has been a failure. To be fair, I might not have made myself clear since I was talking to a group that has the mental savvy of Hutaree members. So let me try again.
Would any of you consider driving down the road and throwing a refrigerator out of your window? (Disregard if you live in Kentucky or Louisiana). The answer is of course not. Let’s try something smaller. What about a toaster oven? Is the answer still no? Good, we are making progress. How about a bag of trash from the local fast food joint? (If you live in a trailer park disregard this question). I hope you answered no.
So, if you agree that throwing most items out of your car onto the road is a bad idea, why the insistence on tossing cigarette butts? Is it because you think it will stop your car from smelling like smoke? Newsflash. Your car and you both smell like a giant ashtray that was dumped at the bottom of a pit and then had an army of camel’s squat over it and take a pee. (Yes, we smell it even if you spray a can of Axe or a gallon of Coco Perfume on yourself).
My other guess would be that you are too lazy to clean your ashtray and you don’t want the butts overflowing onto the burned and feces stained carpet. (That’s dog shit, I hope). While I get this concept, aren’t the piles of Mountain Dew bottles mixed with Taco Bell wrappers, empty Skittles bags, and dirty diapers on your floorboard a bigger issue? It would be to me.
I am inclined to follow those of you that insist on littering to your home and, when you step out of your car, beating you over the head with a tire iron. Then, take the butts that I have collected from you, drench them in butane, and deposit them in your anal cavity while still lit. Of course, this is mostly hyperbole on my part and, since I don’t actually have a detailed plan to execute this exercise, it cannot be considered an act of conspiracy by the Feds.
Still, if you monkeys keep pushing by buttons in this area, I am not sure I should be held accountable for my actions. For the last time you fat, lazy, knuckle dragging, co** smoking, no turn signal using, mouth breathing, in-bred, sister/brother banging, anal leaking, toothless, country western loving, douche garglers, stop throwing your crap out of the car window. I hope I have made myself clear.