Cigarette Butts Revisited

One of the early blogs I posted was a rant on people throwing cigarette butts out of their car windows anywhere they deemed appropriate. To my chagrin, my effort to educate the masses has been a failure. To be fair, I might not have made myself clear since I was talking to a group that has the mental savvy of Hutaree members. So let me try again.

Would any of you consider driving down the road and throwing a refrigerator out of your window? (Disregard if you live in Kentucky or Louisiana). The answer is of course not. Let’s try something smaller. What about a toaster oven? Is the answer still no? Good, we are making progress. How about a bag of trash from the local fast food joint? (If you live in a trailer park disregard this question). I hope you answered no.

So, if you agree that throwing most items out of your car onto the road is a bad idea, why the insistence on tossing cigarette butts? Is it because you think it will stop your car from smelling like smoke? Newsflash. Your car and you both smell like a giant ashtray that was dumped at the bottom of a pit and then had an army of camel’s squat over it and take a pee. (Yes, we smell it even if you spray a can of Axe or a gallon of Coco Perfume on yourself).

My other guess would be that you are too lazy to clean your ashtray and you don’t want the butts overflowing onto the burned and feces stained carpet. (That’s dog shit, I hope). While I get this concept, aren’t the piles of Mountain Dew bottles mixed with Taco Bell wrappers, empty Skittles bags, and dirty diapers on your floorboard a bigger issue? It would be to me.

I am inclined to follow those of you that insist on littering to your home and, when you step out of your car, beating you over the head with a tire iron. Then, take the butts that I have collected from you, drench them in butane, and deposit them in your anal cavity while still lit. Of course, this is mostly hyperbole on my part and, since I don’t actually have a detailed plan to execute this exercise, it cannot be considered an act of conspiracy by the Feds.  

Still, if you monkeys keep pushing by buttons in this area, I am not sure I should be held accountable for my actions. For the last time you fat, lazy, knuckle dragging, co** smoking, no turn signal using, mouth breathing, in-bred, sister/brother banging, anal leaking, toothless, country western loving, douche garglers, stop throwing your crap out of the car window. I hope I have made myself clear.

Good day.


28 Responses to Cigarette Butts Revisited

  1. nonnie9999 says:

    oh, tl, i really thought that your post about butts was going to be only about cigarette butts, but you just couldn’t help yourself, could you? oh well, you lasted 4 1/2 paragraphs before you got to the anal cavity. proud of you.

  2. Bearman says:

    What about truck drivers who don’t want to stop so they pee in an empty plastic bottle and then toss it out the window.

    Trust me I would rather have a cigarette butt hit my windshield.

  3. As an occasional window tosser, you’d find me a spirited, but quickly winded, combatant should you wish to follow through with your anal insertion.

    I was going to say “willing” combatant, but that sent the wrong sort of message and would earn me the permanent friendship of James Dean afficionadoes and Richard Gere himself.

    I guess I’ll try to restrain myself from now on, but should one bad habit continue to aid another, you’re in for quite the hacking beatdown.

  4. elizabeth3hersh says:

    TL, they really should come up with a ‘pooper-scooper’ alternative for cigarette butts. Something that snuffs the butt out and is easy to dispose of. My Canadian neighbor introduced me (as in the concept, not an offer) to electronic cigarettes recently and I saw a segment on 60 Minutes last week on smokeless tobacco products (snus)…hope both become the new rage especially here in Las Vegas where I smoke if you smoke while strolling in the resorts/casinos. Cigarette butts are composed of a type of PLASTIC (cellulose acetate) and not fluffy cotton, and leach chemicals into the environment and can take 12 years to degrade IF they degrade. The solution is to ban butts, let the smokers inhale more toxins (faster, deeper, HOLD IT-HOLD IT!!) and die the fuck off. Okay, so I once smoked, but they were Dunhills which only uses ‘classy carcinogens’ and none of that run-of-the-mill stuff. And I never flicked a butt out the window of my BMW.

  5. Manson48 says:

    So, you’re asking a group of people, that pay five bucks a pack, to stick a toxic plant, rolled up in paper laced with potasium nitrate, set it on fire, and suck the putrid, cancerous, life threatening, chemically saturated, smoke into their blackened lungs, while reading the surgeon general’s warning of their impending death, why they would ever do something really stupid? JM

    • tannerleah says:

      You are right…no wonder my campaign has been such an absolute failure. Maybe if there was a contest where, if they sent enough butts in, they could win tickets to a NASCAR race. That would solve the problem.

      • Manson48 says:

        Nascar definitely defines a very large segment of the mind set of this personality type. Perhaps Nascar could start a cigarette relay race. A figure eight track, where the driver would toss his smouldering butt into another driver’s window as they pass at the criss-cross of the figure eight. This continues until all but one driver crashes and dies, which decreases the percentage of cancer related deaths linked to cigarettes. Each Nascar fan is given a special Nascar sticker for their own car, and are encouraged to play the relay race on highways and biways with other Nascar fans, until all but one redneck butt-tosser crashes and dies. Which could almost eliminate cancer related deaths linked to cigarettes. Maybe the Surgeon General and the Medical Association would like to sponsor the race. Who knows? JM

        • tannerleah says:

          Manson – Can I call you Charles? Would you please stop out-crazying me? You are going to make me start hitting the meth pipe again just so I can keep up with you.

  6. Jill says:

    Please add loogies to this rant.

  7. Don’t mess with Texas.

  8. Laura says:

    I guess you don’t smoke, huh?

    • tannerleah says:

      Actually, I have no problem with smoking. I have no sense of smell so it doesn’t bother me in the least bit. It is only the sense of entitlement that smokers seem to have that galls me.

  9. RubyTwoShoes says:

    I cant believe you dont have a detailed plan to execute shoving butane drenched butts up peoples butts, seems like the kind of thing one would be best putting ALOT of thoughtful planning into…

  10. Michael says:

    I got in the car of a six figure mid level manager a few months back, and he was “apologizing for the mess”. Except it wasn’t a mess, it was an absolute “are you kidding me? are you 16 years old and live in your car?”, it was absolutely disgusting, the floor was teeming with fast food packaging.

    Crazy bachelors.

  11. Honestly, I remember that back in the 70s, folks would toss out pretty much anything that was in their car…butts included.

  12. Great.
    I love your anger and your writing.

  13. I love this post, and your blog. (I just stumbled across it today and just kept reading.)

    I hate it when people’s cigarettes bounce off my windshield. Do you think my car could ignite and explode? Hmmmm…

    • tannerleah says:

      Thank you and welcome.

      No, that’s silly. But it does give you the right to run them off the road, hold a high powered gun to their forehead, then pull the trigger. (I am pretty sure I read that in the Constitution).

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