Now that the healthcare bill is passed, when does all of the wild crap start? I suspect that the death panels will probably be part of some sort of pay-per-view deal and I bet it is more entertaining than Wrestlemania.
Old Dude: So, you see your honor, I need a new liver to survive.
Judge: Denied! Bailiff, spin the “wheel of death”!
(Bailiff spins the wheel. It lands on “Enter the Life-sized Microwave”)
See how much fun that would be? I would easily pay 6 or 7 bucks to see that. Although, to be honest, watching old people get whacked will probably get old after a while. Maybe the death panels could also include illegal Mexicans. That would add a potential “jiggle factor” to the show. (Although I would miss Paco quite a bit).
My guess is that the baby killing is already spiraling out of control. Once a woman who is looking to get an abortion finds out it is federally funded, how could she say no?
Pregnant woman: Um…hello, I would like to get an abortion but I have a question.
Baby killer person: Ok. What do you want to know?
Pregnant woman: Will any of this abortion be federally funded?
Baby killer: Yes.
Pregnant woman: Oh, hell yeah!!! That’s what I’m talking about!!! My mama said it was gonna be state funded but I told her she was full of shit. Where do I sign?
For me, the best part of the healthcare plan is the fact that 1/3 of doctors said they would quit the profession if it passed. That vacuum is going to lead to a severe shortage of doctors and my guess is that the bar to becoming a doctor will be substantially lowered. With my GED and recent surgical experience (self amputation), I will be a doctor in no time.
I have not decided on a specialty yet but I am leaning towards something that requires cutting…lots and lots of cutting. Maybe some sewing but, really, the cutting is the most important part. And maybe involving power tools of some sort. And possibly a golf cart, silly putty, and a large toaster. I don’t want to limit myself.
I want to thank the Democrats for putting together this bloated piece of legislation and the Republicans for double daring them to pass it. It is this kind of bipartisan spirit that makes this country so great. Just when I think the limit of absurdity has been reached, they surprise me yet again.
If you would like to be a patient of mine, please schedule early. I have a lot of cutting to do and I can only stand on my one good leg for so long. I look forward to serving you…so to speak.