First a caveat…I really know nothing about Haiti. I know a little more today due to the endless coverage but I am still fairly clueless about its people or history. As an occasional black man, I guess I should have known more since these are my peeps but I guess you live and learn.
Anyway, I also didn’t know there was a fault line in the area of the world so I was trying to find information out about the cause of the quake. I figured it would be something to do with plates shifting or something like that but I was wrong. In fact, science had little, if anything, to do with the earthquake.
No, it turns out that the earthquake happened because the Haitians made a deal with the devil sometime ago. I was skeptical when I first heard this but two things changed my mind. First, this info came from the genius mind of Pat Robertson. There are few people, if any, in the world that I have more confidence in than Pat. Second, when he relayed the information on his show, he prefaced his comments with, “True story”. That sealed the deal for me.
Of course, this knowledge lead me to another question. How come no one ever makes a deal with Jesus? Every story I have ever heard about a religious icon making a “deal” revolves around Satan. Why is this? Are Jesus’ deals just so terrible that you would turn them down to take Satan’s?
“Hey Jesus. We want to be freed from slavery. What would you charge for such a service?” I don’t know what he answered but they went with the “burn in hell for all eternity” deal from Satan. Jesus must have some really terrible terms on his loans. I know this because everyone takes the Satan deal. I don’t understand.
Another thing. How can people from hundreds of years ago make a deal with my soul? This is really a rhetorical question because it probably works just like our government spending money that our unborn will be required to pay for endless years to come. Still, it seems like kind of a raw deal.
Last item. How exactly does one set up a meeting to sell his or her soul? (Or their nations, as in this case). I would like to sell the souls of some people I know. Well, maybe I won’t sell them but at least I want to establish what I could get for them. Is there a toll-free, 1-800-SATANIC line you call to set up an appointment? Do you need a Ouija board? Is Craigslist somehow involved? I am working diligently to get an answer.
In the interim, if any of you speak to Jesus, ask him why his terms are so terrible. He is losing every deal out there to Satan and doesn’t even seem to really care. Seriously, this guy would be on his final written warning if he worked for me. C’mon J-Man…let’s raise the bar a little.