Merry Christmas, Baby!

I wanted to take a moment to wish everyone a merry Christmas, Hanukkah, Festivus, Kwanzaa, or whatever else you have going on in your world.

I happen to be sick at the moment and have felt miserable for the last couple of days. Still, spending Christmas morning with my family and seeing them happy brought me great joy.

Of course I also realize that the holidays can be painful for some people. For what it is worth, I share some of your pain and you need to always remember that none of us are ever truly alone. Our humanity binds us and may be the only useful thing that man has to offer.

I was hoping that Salma Hayek would be wrapped under my tree or at least the newly available Susan Sarandon. Sadly, no such luck. Probably for the better since I am not in shape to have much of a party in my pants.

The medication wants me to tell you that I appreciate all of you and thank you for your friendship and the camaraderie we share through the InterWeb. However, my Grinch-like heart wants nothing to do with such pansy-ass, pussified comments. So I leave you to read between the lines and reach your own conclusions.

I must leave now as the monkey pox or whatever I have is kicking my ass. Love, kisses, and donkey punches from TL.

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38 Responses to Merry Christmas, Baby!

  1. Yee Haw I get to be the first to come up with an appropriate comment for your post. Monkey Pox?

    Well, my sweet little pansy-ass wants your poxified-ass to know that the sentiment was duly noted…

    Sorry you’re not feeling up to your normal acerbic self.. love you anyway.
    DF

    • tannerleah says:

      Thank you, DF. I am starting to feel better. The love helps the cause.

      • I’m feeling so sorry for you that i’m not even going to mention the fact that you were my secret Santa at Yorks n Beans but never gave me a gift!

        glad you’re better, being sick just sucks doesn’t it.

        • tannerleah says:

          I actually feel bad about the secret Santa thing. The problem was that I wanted to find you the most disgusting sex toy ever invented and my work computer blocks those sites. And, of course, if I did it from home I would have to explain to my wife and kids why I was looking at a 20 inch black, rotating, LED lit, double headed dildo. See my problem?

          • Ha Ha! Nice retort…
            rotating, hmmm that might be lots of fun. And, yes i see your dilemma but I hope that the very thought of it brought a nice little party in your pants.
            why are the big ones always black? Why can’t they be purple, or pale aqua?

  2. Foreigner says:

    Hey was wondering why you hadnt replied to comments for a while,I hear Sarah Palin has the only cure for monkey pox,seeing as she created it. Anyways wish you a speedy recovery, Happy holidays from far far away.

  3. yorksnbeans says:

    No pansy-assed comments from moi. Just get your ass out of bed and enjoy your time off, darn it! 🙂

    • tannerleah says:

      I’m up. Not happy pants up but up as in out of bed. I hope you are not feeling too bad about the whole “killing Jesus” thing. It’s not like you were there, or anything.

  4. nonnie9999 says:

    i feel bad now. i’ve been sick for almost 2 weeks now, and you probably caught monkey pox from me. i thought i washed my hands thoroughly before typing a comment here a few days ago. my apologies.

    feel better soon, tl, and have a wonderful holiday with your family, you old grinch! 😉

  5. elizabeth3hersh says:

    I didn’t get a gift-wrapped Adam Lambert so I can totally relate, but I did get some kick-ass Wolferman’s crumpets and scones to which I give two HUGE thumbs up, five stars, and rave reviews (thank you)!!! Hope it’s not H1N1, or maybe I do hope it’s H1N1 (reportedly responds better to Tamiflu than monkey pox)…either way, zay gezunt, THANK YOU and Merry Christmas!!

    P.S. I know you’re tottering on that proverbial sentimental/misanthropic fence. You can jump off and sit down. It’s that dichotomy that makes you so much fun to read.

    • yorksnbeans says:

      I received those as well for Hanukkah from one of my bros. Their English Muffins are ginormous!! Everything was so yummy.

      • elizabeth3hersh says:

        Mine came with ginormous English muffins too (in assorted flavors). What a refreshing change from yearlong bagels!

    • Not to abstract everything as pointlessly sexual (although we are at TL’s site and that seems to be the way we Rome when in Rome…), but what the hell would a straight woman do with a wrapped (or unwrapped) Adam Lambert.

      I mean besides watch him make out with other guys.

      • elizabeth3hersh says:

        It’s simple CLT and my explanation readily explains my lack of religious affiliation. I have embraced atheism because I feel gypped by God. If there was a God, I would be male and gay and most importantly, I would possess Adam Lambert. I don’t want Lambert in a hetero way (even though I am extremely hetero), I want him in the raunchiest, gayest way possible. That is who he is and what he embodies. It has to be rough, savage, hard-core and yes, anal. I can’t imagine it any other way (and to think I once adored Robert Van Winkle).

        • tannerleah says:

          Were these scones laced with PCP? I didn’t understand a thing you just said. Of course, I am still medicated so maybe it’s just me.

          • New Girl says:

            I wondered about the Adam Lambert thing, too. However, the more perplexing item to me is why atheists (and I know a few) bother to celebrate Christmas? I am guessing they were schooled by the Grinch himself (before his heart grew 3 sizes) and think that Christmas, in fact, does come from a store…

  6. Bearman says:

    You might be in shape to have a party in your pants. However it would be from the other end and Myra would have to change you.

  7. bschooled says:

    Cyber donkey-punches comin’ at ya!

  8. Happy Holidays TL. I am sure a good groin mauling might make you feel better. Get well.

  9. Belated festivity-related wishes, TL. Hope you’re feeling better in time for New Year’s Eve, where the outgoing year will be played by the reanimated corpse of Orville Redenbacher and the New Year by a squeezably soft unmarried Jonas Bro.

    If that doesn’t replace the lead in your pencil with safe-as-milk graphite, nothing will.

    • tannerleah says:

      Thanks CLT. Actually, I was going to go after Adam Lambert just to piss off Elizabeth.

      I don’t celebrate New Year’s because I am pretty confident the next year is going to suck worse than the previous one did. That’s just my positive nature.

  10. HAPPY NEW YEARS TL!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  11. frigginloon says:

    Geez, I hope you are feeling better as you haven’t posted since last year 😦 . I can’t stay long, you might be contagious and I would hate to catch something from your blog 😦 . Happy friggin New Year

    • tannerleah says:

      Thanks for checking on me, friggenloon. I will try to do better in the upcoming weeks but I seem to go through these writing funks fairly frequently.

      Happy New Year to you too.

  12. satansDick says:

    does this site even get hits? wtf…

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