I tried…I really, really tried. I signed up for Twitter a few weeks ago and even got a few followers before I had even written a word. Then, I just gazed endlessly at the “What’s Happening” prompt and froze. What’s happening when? Now? Obviously, I am looking at Twitter. 5 minutes ago? Maybe I was taking a dump. 5 minutes from now? Maybe I will be scratching my groin. Twitter is causing a rip in my space/time continuum. So, to date, I have yet to Tweet a word. Fu** you Twitter and the absolutely stupid, mind numbing game you play.
Next, I moved onto Facebook. Everyone has Facebook so this taught me two things. First, it is simple enough that any idiot can use it and second, anytime you can find a group of mindless lemmings congregated, good fun usually ensues.
I set up my little Facebook world and in no time had 10 “friends”. I haven’t had 10 friends in my entire lifetime yet in 30 minutes I was virtually a superstar. I must say… the stroking of my ego felt good. So I started writing brief, innocuous comments. I certainly didn’t want to offend anyone out of the gate and I don’t know what kind of policing tactics they use there so I kept it clean.
Very, very quickly I found a fatal flaw to FB. It is boring! Jesus, Joseph and Mary do I really care that your puppy got a sliver in his foot or you are thinking about having a chicken casserole tonight. Why in the world would anyone care about such meaningless minutia? Still, being new, I waited to see the hopefully riveting answer. Tick-tock, tick-tock… nothing. I wait like 4 hours to see what happened to the puppy and not a damned thing.
That’s when I noticed that people often respond in days and weeks! Who asks a question that can be answered in a week from now? Wow, that sure must be an important question.
Sally: “Alice, was your mom seriously hurt in the accident?”
Alice: “I’m not sure. Let me get back to you on that in a week”.
Sally: “No worries. I’ll just be here with my thumb up my ass waiting for your response”
No wonder the Farm game is so damned popular on FB. People have to sit around for hours waiting for someone to answer their questions. I guess picking up the phone is simply out of the question. Hey! While you were waiting your crops came in! Now go click on the squares for a mind-numbingly period of time to “harvest” them. And, as Oz as my witness, kids and full grown adults do this all…day…long.
So, I am at a crossroads. I will try FB for a few more days and see if maybe I am missing something. However, I must tell you, it reeks of mindless, time killing that is designed to dumb down the population another 50 IQ points. Read a book? Fu** that! I’m almost ready to harvest my sunflowers and get to level 32!
One thing I know. My love and respect for my fellow bloggers and comment providers has grown significantly over the last day or two. Even the people that call me a di**head or fu**stick show that they still have a pulse. Keep fighting the good fight people. Dark days are ahead. Dark days, indeed.
Even God is starting to get a little pissed off.