Now, can we stop talking about it? When has a pro athlete cheating on his wife become a story worth following? Christ, if the ugliest athlete of all time, Larry Bird, was able to score some strange, what athlete can’t? Who cares?
This would have never even been an issue if white women could learn to keep their mouths shut. What, you don’t think Tiger gets it on with black women, Latino’s, Asians, little people, he-she’s and everything else? Of course he does. The difference is they know how to keep a secret. White women just can’t help but blab all over the place.
And does anyone win in this deal? Well, a few people. First, Tiger’s wife now has enough money to buy an island. That seems like a pretty good deal. No doubt John Daly is off somewhere laughing his fat ass off as he is now no longer the punching bag of the PGA. Even Letterman made out because he only slept with 3 or 4 interns.
The question I keep hearing is, “Why would he cheat?” This is a complicated question but, if I had to guess, I would say it’s because he has a di**. That’s right…Tiger cheated because his penis encouraged him to do so. Clearly, his wife was not meeting his sexual needs so he had to find an outlet somewhere else. The fact that these outlets were the Waffle House, Taco Bell, and 7-11 just makes it that much sadder.
If Mrs. Woods wouldn’t have been so frigid, this would never have happened. I know what you are thinking, “TL, how can you possibly blame the wife?” Simple. When a man has his needs met at home, he doesn’t need to stray. Tiger’s wife is attractive so this isn’t about looks…it’s about results.
When your man wants to Donkey Punch you and you say no, what the hell is he supposed to do? When he needs a Sugary Pirate and his wife says “no”, should he just suffer? Look, if Tiger went and found a mud shark to get busy with, I could understand the outrage. However, these women are semi-attractive pillars of the local fast food community that were just looking for some love. Tiger gave it to them…hard.
Sadly, this story reeks of racism. When a white guy cheats on his wife, like Bill Clinton did, it is quickly forgiven. When OJ allegedly slices someone up, everyone has a fit because he is a black man. Same with Tiger…and Tiger is not even black! He is racially classified as “Obama” or “blasian”.
In support of Tiger, I am going to go out and buy a Buick. Actually, since I can’t actually afford a Buick, I will perform a “Buick maneuver” instead. At least my heart is in the right place. Is yours?
And, no, not even Tiger would do Tina Yothers (photo below):