Need $50k? Flip Off A Cop In Pittsburgh

David Hackbart is about to walk away with a cool $50,000 once it is approved by the Pittsburgh City Council. How did he get so lucky? Simple…he flipped off a cop and was issued a citation for obscene conduct under the disorderly conduct statute.

Within the blink of an eye, the American Civil Liberties Union swooped in and claimed that flipping someone off is protected under free speech. A federal judge agreed with the ACLU and rescinded the citation. The judge agreed that flipping a cop off, while distasteful, is not against the law.

So, all of you Christmas shoppers out there that are a little short of cash, here is a chance to ride the gravy train. Get out there and start flipping off every cop you see. Use both hands if you want to get some extra money. Granted, there is a slight chance you will take a beat down or get Tased, especially in Philly, but that seems like a small price to pay.

Another way to get more money would be to poop in the back of the police car. Pooping is a God given right and if you can’t hold it, you can’t hold it. Again, there may be some short term ramifications for this behavior, a definite ass kicking, but think of the nice things you will be able to buy.

As Thanksgiving approaches, I want to give thanks to the ACLU for protecting all of the douche monkeys of the world. Thanks for protecting the Westboro Baptist Church. You know them, the good folks that go around with signs that say “God Hates Fags”, “Thank God For Dead Soldiers”, and “Thank God for 9/11”. A true Christian group if there ever was one.

Thanks for letting prisoners have pen pals in Florida. Thanks for protecting e-mail spam by calling it free speech. And thanks for making libraries give people access to porn sites. Oh, and before I forget, thanks for making hundreds of thousands of dollars by suing state buildings that had the audacity of posting the 10 Commandments. It wasn’t enough to simply have them remove it. No, you also needed to be compensated to the tune of over half a million dollars. The taxpayers that footed that bill say thank you!

I hope the taxpayers of Pittsburgh realize that the $50k they are about to shell out is money well spent. They should all send the ACLU a basket of fruit and a thank you note. Congrats Pittsburgh on your new found, finger flipping freedom.


11 Responses to Need $50k? Flip Off A Cop In Pittsburgh

  1. elizabeth3hersh says:

    The punch line in the following ACLU joke is somewhat akin to the tail of a malt whiskey (needs a second or two to kick in):


    An atheist was quite incensed over the preparation for Easter and Passover holidays and decided to contact the local ACLU about the discrimination inflicted on atheists by the constant celebrations afforded to Christians and Jews with all their holidays while the atheists had no holidays for them to celebrate. The ACLU jumped on the opportunity to once again pick up the cause of the downtrodden and assigned their sharpest attorney to the case.

    The case was brought up before a learned judge who after listening to the passionate presentation by the ACLU representative, promptly banged his gavel and said, “Case dismissed!”

    The ACLU lawyer stood up and objected to the ruling and said, “Your honor, how can you dismiss this case? Surely the Christians have Christmas, Easter and many other observances. And the Jews, why in addition to Passover they have Yom Kippur and Hanukkah … and yet my client and all other atheists have no such holiday!”

    The judge leaned back in his chair and simply said, “Obviously your client is too confused to know about or for that matter even celebrate the atheists holiday!”

    The ACLU lawyer pompously said, “We are aware of no such holiday for atheists … just when might that be?”

    The judge said, “Well it comes every year at the same time … April 1st!”

  2. The ACLU. Thank god (scratch that), thank nobody that they’re improving our lives by ensuring that the world is full of free thinkers and their offensive opinions.

    Opinions, of course, are like assholes. And assholes, of course, have the worst opinions of all and the self-righteousness to drag their opinion into the nearest court and make it everybody’s opinion.

    I’m sick of “free-thinkers” and the odious opinions pushing and shoving until their “free thoughts” are respected and glorified.

    If someone can be protected in their rights to walk around with a “God Hates Fags” sign, then my right to walk around next to them with a sign saying “I’m with Ignorant Prick” should be protected as well.

    And if I’m going to be told that not only am I going to respect and appreciate a crucifix in a vial of urine, but that I’m going to call it “art,” then I should be able to drop a flaming bag of shit with a price tag on Serrano’s doorstep.

    Keep hatin’ on the haters, TL. No one does it better.

  3. I would like to personally flip off every member of the jury who agreed to the 50K.

  4. bschooled says:

    I wonder how much he would have gotten had he given “The Shocker”…

    (‘Fingeratively’ speaking, of course)

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