David Hackbart is about to walk away with a cool $50,000 once it is approved by the Pittsburgh City Council. How did he get so lucky? Simple…he flipped off a cop and was issued a citation for obscene conduct under the disorderly conduct statute.
Within the blink of an eye, the American Civil Liberties Union swooped in and claimed that flipping someone off is protected under free speech. A federal judge agreed with the ACLU and rescinded the citation. The judge agreed that flipping a cop off, while distasteful, is not against the law.
So, all of you Christmas shoppers out there that are a little short of cash, here is a chance to ride the gravy train. Get out there and start flipping off every cop you see. Use both hands if you want to get some extra money. Granted, there is a slight chance you will take a beat down or get Tased, especially in Philly, but that seems like a small price to pay.
Another way to get more money would be to poop in the back of the police car. Pooping is a God given right and if you can’t hold it, you can’t hold it. Again, there may be some short term ramifications for this behavior, a definite ass kicking, but think of the nice things you will be able to buy.
As Thanksgiving approaches, I want to give thanks to the ACLU for protecting all of the douche monkeys of the world. Thanks for protecting the Westboro Baptist Church. You know them, the good folks that go around with signs that say “God Hates Fags”, “Thank God For Dead Soldiers”, and “Thank God for 9/11”. A true Christian group if there ever was one.
Thanks for letting prisoners have pen pals in Florida. Thanks for protecting e-mail spam by calling it free speech. And thanks for making libraries give people access to porn sites. Oh, and before I forget, thanks for making hundreds of thousands of dollars by suing state buildings that had the audacity of posting the 10 Commandments. It wasn’t enough to simply have them remove it. No, you also needed to be compensated to the tune of over half a million dollars. The taxpayers that footed that bill say thank you!
I hope the taxpayers of Pittsburgh realize that the $50k they are about to shell out is money well spent. They should all send the ACLU a basket of fruit and a thank you note. Congrats Pittsburgh on your new found, finger flipping freedom.