My Conversation With Sarah Palin

I was finally able to meet my dream woman yesterday, in person. I won’t lie, I was a little nervous to be meeting a true icon face to face. However, soon after meeting Sarah, I was immediately put at ease and relaxed. Here is the transcript of our conversation.

SP: Hi there? How ya doin’?

TL: Good. Did you really call Trigger a retard?

SP: (Looking slightly bewildered) Of course not. Levi is just making those things up.

TL: Oh…ok. In the Newsweek photo where you have running shorts on, you seem to be wearing panty hose. What’s that all about?

SP: (Still looking perplexed) Well, it was more of a glamour shot than an actual, ya know, reality photo.

TL: Who is keeping an eye on Russia while you are on your tour?

SP: (Grits her teeth a little) That’s kind of an old joke. Who do you want the book made out to?

TL: When you and Todd get it on, do you wear your stiletto’s? Specifically, the red shiny ones?

SP: (Little beads of sweat forming on her brow) That is really not an appropriate question. (Looking around for security).

TL: I’m sorry. It’s just that they look so good on you I figured you probably wore them in the sack. Does Todd go backdoor on you?

SP: (Turning a pretty shade of crimson) You, sir, are being rude and belligerent. Please move along before I have you removed.

TL: When you have a baby at your age, I bet your lady parts don’t bounce back into shape very quickly. That’s why I asked about the back door. Do you spit or swallow?

SP: (Stands up looking kind of pissed off) Security! Remove this man immediately!

TL: Have you ever done a Rainbow Kiss or Dirty Sanchez? Did McCain ever whip his thingy out in front of you?

At this point, two security guys start dragging me away.

TL: Wait! Sarah, you didn’t sign my book yet!

SP: (Hands my book, unsigned, to another security guy).

TL: Just so you know, I rubbed one off in the men’s room and smeared my man goop all over the book you just touched! You are holding my seed!

SP: (Looks down at her hands and starts to gag. Looks feverishly for a container to throw up in).

TL: Seriously! I rubbed like a quart of love juice on that bad boy!

SP: (Violently projectile vomits all over the table and on the shoes of the next person in line. Looks kind of like she might pass out).

TL: I love you!!! Todd is a douche monkey!

And that was it. I was pushed out of the back door of the store and told that if I come anywhere near Sarah again, I will be arrested.

Ok, so maybe our first date didn’t go exactly as planned. Still, I think you can tell from the conversation, we connected on a very intimate level. I am off now to the next book signing. I know Sarah will be thrilled to see me again. You betcha!!!

Here’s a pic of the crowd. Good people.

Advertisements

30 Responses to My Conversation With Sarah Palin

  1. Ben Hoffman says:

    You’re a good American, TL. 🙂

  2. At least you took the time to go see her and add to the crowds. One of the thousands to bear witness to her popularity. Or at the very least you add to the online chatter of Palin furthering her already enormous popularity. You apparently bought a book. Cool!

  3. I’m so sorry that you didn’t get your book signed. Were you lucky enough to get some of her vomit? That would make a great keepsake; maybe stored in a miniature vial to wear around your neck!

  4. bschooled says:

    TL, did the gagging noise sound like it was coming from the the back of her oral cavity or closer to the pharynx?

    Maybe you just misread her body language…

  5. nonnie9999 says:

    tannerleah, i think you should be proud. your conversation with her was more substantial and intelligent than any she’s had on faux news.

  6. nursemyra says:

    A quart?!?! wow – you’ve got plenty to spare if Mrs Tannerleah ever gets sick of it….

  7. Bilroni says:

    That was very sweet. You made her blush. And she was so nervously in love she puked. That’s a good sign.

    She didn’t even puke for Oprah!!!!

  8. elizabeth3hersh says:

    I think I have regained my composure after sitting momentarily stunned at the keyboard. Stunned, not at the Palin exchange, but stunned at the urban dictionary definitions for both “Rainbow Kiss” and “Dirty Sanchez.” Hey-seuss Christo, I just ate!! Not sure what the term is for “puke eaters”, but I’m sure there is one. And why is it called a Dirty Sanchez instead of a Dirty Dershowitz or Dirty Doherty or more appropriately, a Dirty Dubois? (Apologies to any French readers).

    • tannerleah says:

      I am not sure. Maybe because it started in Mexico? They have all of the best non-traditional sex moves down there. Keep in mind, they usually have sex with donkeys so they need to be creative.

  9. Great stuff, TL. Horrifying in spots but funny as hell. I especially like the reasoning behind the “backdoor” question. Sometimes you’ve got to hedge your bets, so to speak.

    I’m kind of surprised you didn’t just slap your thing in between the pages like a cock-shaped bookmark and ask her to sign somewhere down the middle.

    If you had done that, I might have gotten the answer as to whether her lips move when she writes.

    As for Elizabeth’s question: they call it a Dirty Sanchez because Lou Dobbs originated the phrase. “Dirty Doherty” involves something dirtier: having your girlfriend snort a little coke on film and sell the pictures to the tabloids.

    http://www.thisislondon.co.uk/showbiz/article-20367317-kate-caught-snorting-coke.do

    • elizabeth3hersh says:

      Hahaha!!! Loved the Dobbs reference! I forgot about that Doherty…G-d, I love British tabloids!

    • tannerleah says:

      I couldn’t slap my love gun down because it was pointing straight up from the moment I saw her. In fact, security almost wouldn’t let me in because it looked like I had a Louisville Slugger packed into my pants.

  10. yorksnbeans says:

    That woman hasn’t a brain in her head. She goes through with an interview from a fake Sarkosy who makes inappropriate statements, but calls security and won’t sign a book for an avid fan. Geez….

  11. That went well TL, you might want to try a more nuanced approach next time…I mean, you are stalking her, right?

  12. elizabeth3hersh says:

    Could not fall asleep properly last night, due to intrusive thoughts and visuals of schlong bookmarks, Rainbow Kisses and Dirty Sanchezes…don’t think I have ever been so grossed out.

  13. But did you get your book back?

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: