Pet Bear Kills Woman

October 5, 2009

This is one of those headlines that writes itself. Kind of like, “Pet Croc Kills Owner” or “Pet Python Squeezes The Crap Out Of Man”. It is not a question of if it was going to happen but when. 

Kelly Ann Walz, no doubt a wonderful and caring person, had a pet bear. Not a cute little cub but a full on, big ass, 350 pound mauler. She walked into the cage to feed the bear and clean its cage when it attacked and killed her. The neighbor came over and shot the bear to death. 

yogi bear

(The only bear that won’t kill you…probably)

This is a sad story but was there any scenario where it wasn’t going to end like this? Every year, a handful of people get killed by these exotic “pets” and never do I raise my brow in surprise. Of course the damned bear killed her! It’s what they do when they get a chance to. 

If the Dog Whisperer can get bit, and he does, do you think just a regular person is going to do any better? If Siegfried or Roy (I forget which one) gets chewed into little pieces by his “trained” tiger, what chance does an average pet owner have? What about that Aussie guy that got killed swimming with rays? Is it not perfectly clear at this point that all animals are just waiting to kill their human keepers? 

Dogs kill all kinds of people each year and I suspect cats do too…they are just sneakier. All of those people that “die in their sleep”? That’s really the cat laying on their face in the middle of the night and suffocating them. They are killers, I tell ya. 

Still, I half way understand having a dog or cat because they are capable of affection. Does a pet bear show affection? Do they lick your face or fetch the stick for you? No, they just wait day after day for you to lower your guard so they can bite your face off. Same with crocodiles, most snakes, beavers, and certain types of rabbits. 

People, please use some common sense. If you must keep a large wild animal, make sure that you have captured Bigfoot. At least this way, before he kills you, you can make a ton of money on the retards that believe in that stuff. In fact, you might also collect aliens as pets. Just be careful not to drop the soap in front of them because they always have that anal probe thing on their mind.