Letterman Is A Fornicator And The IOC Is Racist

October 2, 2009

What a horrible day to be American. One of our greatest citizens, David Letterman, is caught banging the secretary and another great citizen, Oprah, is told “oh hell no” for Chicago and the Olympics. 

First, let me address the Dave situation. Doesn’t CBS have an HR department? Surely they have a policy that says the boss cannot sleep with the underlings. Every company has this policy. Either Dave ignored the policy, not likely, or they are just running one big fornicating factory over at CBS. I bet Jeff Probst is probably banging the Survivor girls and maybe a few of the better looking guys. 

The fact that one of the girls he slept with is 30 years his junior is not an issue for me. In fact, I commend Dave, who is otherwise not a handsome man, for being able to snag a halfway decent looking employee. He doesn’t have to be embarrassed like Bill Clinton and answer the, “You slept with that?”, questions. (For the record, I think technically his cigar slept with that woman, Miss Lewinsky). 

There is some question as to whether Dave was already with a steady mate at the time of his philandering. Who cares? He is a celebrity. Celebrities don’t have to abide by the same rules as the rest of us mere mortals. If Sarah Palin, for instance, wants to have sex with me (and she does) it is ok because she is a celebrity. Sure, it is not ok for me because I am not but I am hoping my wife will be in an understanding mood that day. 

As for the International Olympic Committee, what a joke they are. We send Michelle and Barack, plus Oprah, and they still shoot us down. Of course they did. They are a bunch of non-bathing, cigar smoking, fat, poopy faced, racist, foreigners. They never had any intention of giving us the Olympics. It will go to one of those Spanish speaking countries because, as we all know, the Mexicans basically rule the world these days. (And don’t kid yourself; Spain and Brazil are just like Mexico…nothing but tacos and sombreros). 

This will also make the terrorists happy because the airline tickets are cheaper to these other countries. Plus, their brown skin will fit right in. As I have mentioned before, if they would only shave those goat beards they would be completely unrecognizable in a crowd. That wouldn’t have happened in Chicago where they would have been surrounded by pasty white or charcoal black, fat men and women. You would be able to spot those skinny terrorists bastards from a mile away. 

EDIT: I see that the Olympics were awarded to Rio de Janeiro. Looks at these lunatics. They wear balloons on their heads for Christ’s sake. WTF?