Finally, after years of exploitation, the Gosselin children are finally being protected by one of their parents… Jon. Jon has issued a cease and desist order to the TLC network and brought filming of the Kate Plus 8 show to a screeching halt.
Now, some naysayers say that Jon is merely lashing out because he was being phased out of the show and his primary source of income was in serious danger. I say bull pucky. Jon has already lined up a variety of other jobs that will keep him flush with cash for years.
First, there are the wicked awesome shirts that he wears all of the time. They are the shizzle and he is simply a top flight male model. The Tyra Banks of men, if you will. Plus, he is an icon to metrosexuals with his “double earring” look. The chicks dig him and men fear him. He can also just be a gigolo for the rest of his life coasting on his amazing looks.
My God, what a sexy man.
But no, this is not what he has chosen to do. He has decided that reconciliation with Kate is a distinct possibility because he now realizes that his “flings” were unfulfilling. This is merely code that he misses Kate’s hoo-hoo that is the size of a Volkswagen. Sure, for many of is this is not a positive physical attribute but who are we to question his judgment?
Kate, being the camera hogging ingrate that she is, says that Jon is just being selfish and only cares about himself. She contends that her main interest continues to be the well being of the kids. C’mon Kate, all you care about is that weekly check from TLC so you can continue living in the lap of luxury and banging the pool boy, Paco. (Yes, the very same Paco that services my pool).
At this point, the kids are about the most boring part of this story. They are little China people so they will grow up to be thin and industrious. How is that an interesting story? I would much rather just see a show centered around Jon and Kate at this point. Maybe some celebrity boxing or a stint on Jeopardy so we can see exactly how stupid the blond shrew is. (Clearly, Jon is the brains in the family).
Anyway, congrats Jon on being the grown up in this relationship. Sure, you had to bang a few chicks and spend some cash to get your head on right, but haven’t we all been there? I can’t wait to see what job you finally get after being unemployed for so long. Maybe like an executive VP for some company. Or, maybe you just keep doing the T-shirt thing since that seems to be a homerun for you.
Thank you for being the kind of dad that we all wish we had. This Bud’s for you!