Why No Nukes For Iran?

I really don’t understand this. Isn’t Iran a sovereign nation? Don’t they have the right to decide whether they want to pursue nuclear technology as they see fit? Why is it that only countries holding nukes are saying they can’t have any? 

Imagine another country telling the US what to do …about anything. People would be through the roof carrying on about our rights and freedoms. Yet with the Iranians, because they are evil, we get to dictate what they can and cannot do. Ridiculous. 

Think of it this way. Because Muslims do not approve of alcohol and are the majority religion in the world, what if they decided that the US could no longer sell beer? There would be a bunch of pissed off rednecks to contend with. Sure, no loss to get rid of Schlitz or PBR, but what about the good stuff? Also, what if they said that women were no longer allowed to shave? How would you like to deal with that? Armpits and bushes looking all French and everything. Eww… 

However, since this is the path we have chosen to take, I have decided to embrace my God given power and make some other demands: 

Germany – Please stop speaking German. That guttural sound you make is making me sick. It doesn’t sound good and hurts my ears. Start speaking French…immediately. 

France – Would it kill you people to bathe and shave on a regular basis? Make it happen. 

England – Really…are there no dentists in that country anywhere? 

China – Stop killing panda bears and wearing them for coats. What the hell is wrong with you? Plus, buy some forks. Eating with wood sticks is just ridiculous. 

Mexico – Eh, I don’t really have any complaints with you guys. You work hard and gave us tacos. You rock. 

Canadians – Change your national anthem since you stole it from France. That’s just rude. Also, take back Celine but give us Shania. Thank you. 

There are several hundred more demands that I will publish in my manifesto titled, “Do What I Fu**ing Tell You To Do”. If you have any demands you would like me to add, just let me know.

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22 Responses to Why No Nukes For Iran?

  1. Nice one!
    How about asking the Scots men to make their kilts a wee bit shorter.
    Ask the Russians to keep their damned women over there, they’re taking all the good men.

    I know I’ve got more but I’m so overtaken by the God like power you’re emanating that I feel light headed…

  2. Mexicans working hard? Haven’t you seen the Speedy Gonzales cartoons? Those guys sleep under their sombreros and drink tequila all day. Come on TL, do your homework man.

  3. yorksnbeans says:

    While you’re at it TL, make sure all countries speak English.

  4. Anonymous says:

    and tell the isralies to stop being so jewish.

  5. bschooled says:

    We’ll give you Shania, and we’ll raise you Avril Lavigne, Ben Mulroney, and all those Degrassi kids…

    No takebacks.

  6. nonnie9999 says:

    please tell those countries that force women to wear burquas to force ugly men to wear them, too. and tell ireland to put more marshmallows in lucky charms cereal. nobody really eats the cereal part. and tell the japanese not to be so damned productive. they’re making americans look like slackers. and tell them to cook their fucking fish. i’m tired of morimoto making the same damned sushi every time he’s on iron chef. and tell countries in asia and africa to stop changing their names! jeopardy is hard enough as it is without trying to remember 7 different names for the same friggin’ country.

    i think that’s it for now, but i’ll be back if i think of anything else while scanning my atlas.

  7. Sweats Model says:

    I’d be satisfied with a light bulb that doesn’t come with 3 polish men.

  8. nursemyra says:

    haha…. perfect comment Sweats Model

  9. Sweats Model says:

    Now, now, TL. You know that isn’t true. I haven’t met a man yet whom I hate. Except the ex, maybe 🙂

  10. elizabeth3hersh says:

    I’m tempted to say we should just “wipe Iran off the map”, but I love their ghormeh sabzi too much and wouldn’t mind living in northern Tehran amidst the Iranian artists and intellectuals (under new leadership of course).

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