Do You Prefer The Rabbit Or The Dolphin?

If you had asked me this question before last week, I would have not had a clue what you were going on about. However, thanks to my being indoctrinated into the seedy, dark world that most women live in, I can now answer this question. ..kind of.

Let me back up a bit. I went to a dinner last week with a large group. For whatever reason, I was seated at a table with primarily women. Within about 30 seconds of being seated, they had started up with sex talk, like they do. 

Mostly, they were complaining about how men were unfulfilling to them, either physically or emotionally, and what they each did about it. Enter the Rabbit and the Dolphin. At first, I could not see the connection. Why would either of these mammals make you happy sexually? 

Then the details started to come out. For some reason, and I didn’t ask for the finer details, these are the names of vibrators. Why a rabbit and dolphin? I have no idea. I know rabbits do it a lot so maybe that explains that. However, why in the world would you have sex with a dolphin? Is it the fin? The bottle shaped nose? Again, I didn’t ask. 

But here is the core lesson I learned. Women are animals. In fact, I will go on record and say that they are bigger animals than men. Men take the bad rap but women are actively using these instruments on, apparently, virtually a daily basis. Also, it doesn’t matter if you are a married gal or single…you are still “doing it” with your little critter all of the time. 

The only other male at the table was so distressed; he got up and called his wife to see if she was also an owner of one of these contraptions. To no ones surprise, she was. (Although she was adamant that she was only an occasionally user. Liar.) 

There was also talk of a sex tool that you could attach to the shower wall and impale yourself upon but, by this time, my eyes had glossed over and I was in a semi state of shock. I simply couldn’t take in anymore information. These women who are the mothers of our children and pillars of our society, are sexual wildcats. They are cheating with a piece of plastic and batteries more times than most of us brush our teeth. 

When is this happening? Who knows but it is obviously a clandestine event and women have mastered the details. My guess is that the electric toothbrush noise that one hears is probably the dirty deed occurring. No wonder women are always brushing their teeth. 

I can’t talk about this anymore because I am deeply dismayed by the whole thing. I think of women in terms of integrity, honesty, loyalty, lovingness, and various other positive attributes. Now, I realize they are just skeezy harlots buzzing themselves all day long. 

I would ask if your mother would be proud of you but she is too busy abusing herself with her Rabbit to give a crap.

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27 Responses to Do You Prefer The Rabbit Or The Dolphin?

  1. yorksnbeans says:

    you just found this out?

  2. yorksnbeans says:

    You could use few sessions over at the “Delicate Garden”.

  3. Now you know how your wife feels when you step out with Sarah Palin.

  4. nonnie9999 says:

    i bet you thought the glass menagerie was about figurines! 😉

  5. elizabeth3hersh says:

    My, how far from the loop I have strayed. Regular readers of StopAnnoyingMe will surely think I would have the definitive answer here and this question would be right up my…, but, no, I don’t. Sure, because of my quirky passion for “futurism” I have often dreamed/yearned of the robotic paramour (even more PERFECT because I’m a recluse). No, this is clearly Nurse Myra or Delicate Flower territory.

    However, your post reminded me of something I used to say decades ago (and I said it a lot): “it’s not the size that matters, it’s how often you use it.” Based on that, and I am flying by the seat of my pajama bottoms here, I’m going with the Rabbit.

  6. nursemyra says:

    I’m hanging out for the real thing again……

  7. bschooled says:

    “Go Dolphins!”

    Just kidding.

    I’ll have to agree with Elizabeth here. When it comes to battery-operated mammals, I’m somewhat “wet behind the ears”.

    Though I do enjoy “talking the talk”, when it comes to actually walking it, I’d rather sit at home in my one-piece fleece pajama set eating a tub of Ben and Jerry’s while catching up on Season one of Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman.

    So I’ll say rabbit, because they’re just so cute!

  8. Mama Cakes says:

    Come on, where have you been? In the dark? But what those women did not tell you, is the reaction the man in a womans life gets watching her “bounce” around with her rabbit, or “swimming” with the dolphin. Get the picture?

  9. I thought some Jefferson Aiplane might be appropriate, as would the theme song from “Flipper.” However, having given it more thought, I’ve decided that these selections are never appropriate, unless a.) you just ate an entire ball of acid and are sitting in the bathtub waving a buck knife; or
    b.) you just ate an entire ball of acid and are sitting in the bathtub waving a buck knife.

    • elizabeth3hersh says:

      If you replace the acid with Ecstasy and the buck knife with a Santoku knife, well then, I was there (buck naked of course, with a man, in bed)…I think we were listening to Vanilla Ice, maybe MC Hammer…

      • elizabeth3hersh says:

        …if you have to know, I was doing my best impression of Jack Nicholson in “The Shining”…he found this strangely erotic (yes, I know, my comment belongs over in Nurse Myra’s blog).

      • Well. That’s completely different. By all means, turn up the “Flipper” theme song.

        (By the way, thanks for clarifying. I thought you were doing your impression of Christian Slater in “His Actual Life.”)

  10. if this is surprising you..wait until you hear this.
    they make flavored condoms. yes in my freshman dorm they had them at the front desk. Banana flavored, Strawberry, and Cola flavored. They also had glow in the dark condoms, and condoms with like textures for her pleasure.
    but don’t be upset, there are little toys for men too.

    me on the other hand, i have taken an oath of celibacy, and do not use any such things..i am hoping that will give me 10 cool points with God since in college i stapled holes in half of those condoms because i was bored one day.

  11. art vandelay says:

    I have a friend who prefers the rabbit. Yeah, a friend. BTW, would this be the same conversation where I was the BUTT of all of your jokes?

  12. This was a hilarious post! Rabbits, dolphins, whatever, women do like their sex toys, just as much as men do, maybe even more. The Rampant Rabbit seems to have been the most popular vibrator for women, but others also sell very well.

    The book Love and Sex with Robots by David Levy also talks about a product (now sold at Sybian.com) which gave a pretty impressive orgasm to a woman who was attending a semi-public event in St. Louis (where I was born).

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