I learned this valuable bit of information from the Bell Shoals Baptist church in Brandon, FL. I always thought that Pepsi tasted a little wimpy. Now I know why. The church has banned all Pepsi products so that a) they are not supporting such an unworthy cause and b) no gay rubs off on them.
Church Member Terri “don’t even think I’m gay because of the way I spell my name” Kemple says he convinced the church to join the boycott because, “Pepsi is advocating for the normalization of homosexual behavior in our culture.”
Thank goodness the good folks at Bell Shoals brought this to my attention. I have been drinking a lot of Pepsi lately and, frankly, was feeling a little light in my loafers…if you know what I mean. (Ok, I don’t really know what that saying means either).
Anyway, the new clear winner for my soft drink dollar is Coca Cola. I went to their website to look for manly things to do when, to my horror, I ran across this paragraph relating to the workers at Coke:
The Coca-Cola Gay and Lesbian Forum fosters an equitable work environment where gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender (GLBT) employees can feel a sense of community within our Company.
Are you kidding me!!! Coke is run by the gays too?!?! What the fu** am I supposed to drink if I don’t want to go gay? You know that gayness just drips into the product every time one of the gays touch it.
Remarkably, it even gets worse. Coca Cola has bastardized their logo to embrace the gay culture.
Is this my America anymore? And what the hell is GLBT? It sounds like a sandwich. And what is a transgender? Is that when they have half of the stuff of a man and half of a woman? Kind of like an earthworm?
I am absolutely shocked and saddened by this turn of events. I live for carbonated soft drinks and now I am guess I am supposed to go with the generic brands. But who is to say they are not also made by the gays? Or worse…Eskimo’s and little people. Ewwww…
We need to wake up America. Pretty soon our shoes and clothes will be made by children in 3rd world countries (and probably gay children, at that!) Our cars and appliances are already made by the little Asian people in Hawaii.
Where the hell are the manly men that used to make all of this stuff and chew tobacco and smack their women and children around? This is this! I am coming unhinged at the seams. Anyone know a good, straight seamstress?
This explains why my brothers drink gin and juice and Kool-Aid.