Sorry Kentucky…God Can’t Save You Now

Thanks to some left-wing, communist, Ted Kennedy loving judge, the people of the Commonwealth of Kentucky are no longer safe. That’s right, they are living in real danger of either natural or man made disasters. 

How did this happen? Simple…God has been kicked out of Kentucky. Let me explain. In 2006, the Kentucky Office of Homeland Security added some verbiage to a variety of documents that assured that they would be spared from future devastation and destruction. 

Here is an example of one of the sentences, “The safety and security of the Commonwealth cannot be achieved apart from reliance upon Almighty God.” Simply put, God was given permission and encouraged to protect Kentucky. While you might think this is funny, Kentucky has not suffered one attack since 2006. Who’s laughing now? 

But, as usual, the liberals couldn’t stand the idea of God protecting them. (They would rather have Buddha or aliens protect them). The lunatic judge wrote this, “The statute pronounces very plainly that current citizens of the Commonwealth cannot be safe, neither now, nor in the future, without the aid of Almighty God.” Well, no shit, Sherlock! Who do you think creates tornados and evil doers in the world? Our Almighty God. Ergo, ipso facto, if you don’t want to have those things, you need to have God protect you. How hard is that to understand? 

Rep. Tom Riner, who also happens to be a pastor at a local church, said it best. “They make the argument … that it has to do with a religion,” Riner said, “and promoting a religion. God is not a religion. God is God.” Did you hear that you Commie bastard judge? “God is God.” The defense rests its case. 

All I can do is warn the good people of Kentucky that they are no longer under the benevolent care of Almighty God. That tornado he was going to drop on Indiana instead of Kentucky? Coming right back at you. (Probably somewhere near Paducah would be my guess). 

God doesn’t want to attack you but, if you insist on not recognizing him and paying the vig, what can he do? You come to him when you need something but never as a friend. That is disrespect, my friends. Even if you could convince him to come back, you would probably owe him a favor someday. (a small price to pay, in my opinion). 

So, next time you see cows flying by your head, don’t blame God. He simply had no choice… you no good heathens. Now let us pray… 

God kicked out of Kentucky…Jesus says, “No comment”

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25 Responses to Sorry Kentucky…God Can’t Save You Now

  1. bschooled says:

    “God is God…”

    Wasn’t that the follow-up single to Opus’ “Live is Life” song?

    (ps. someone should tell these Liberals that our God is an Awesome God)

  2. I contend that God hasn’t been to Newport, KY in a LONG time. I think Newport has more jails than it does McDonalds. But even all of those jails won’t stop some people from staggering down the streets at 3:00am with no shirt on, looking for black girls and an open liquor store after I got back from the Reds game.

  3. Hmmmm,considering that I live in Indiana (yeah yeah, poor me) I am actually all for seeing Kentucky start pulling their share of the tornado weight. Although I know first hand that we need some mighty tornado wrath to eliminate a significant portion of our population, I do get tired of driving around all the trailers strewn across the streets after a day of whirly smite.

  4. hoboduke says:

    Who needs a state government? “The safety and security of the Commonwealth cannot be achieved…” Ok so why pay for fire department, Emergency Medical Team, police, etc? None of this will achieve safety and security. Everybody get a gun, and don’t pay taxes! Don’t worry about church, they ask for collections too! When everything gets crazy, get your atheists to save the state.

    • tannerleah says:

      I am either totally with you or totally against you. I haven’t sorted it out yet. (I do like the guns and no taxes thing. Could you throw in hookers?)

      • hoboduke says:

        The world’s oldest profession is the foundation of every dvilization. Even Jesus was friends with one. Citizens want to get away from every government ever created by man. Government run by hookers might be solution.

  5. nonnie9999 says:

    will that cover all the kentucky fried chicken franchises as well?

  6. In defense of Kentucky, home of blue grass, bluegrass and mint juleps, let me just say this: we will always cling to our beliefs no matter what nation we belong to.

    The separation of church and state is fine in theory, as is Communism, Ayn Rand and cloth diapers. However, the reality of the situation is that some supernatural assistance is often needed, as those who have been hired or elected to maintain the state of Kentucky are too busy drunkenly clutching the bluegrass to “rise to the occasion.” We also have trouble maintaining erections.

    Before anyone jumps to any conclusions about our inebriation, impotence and lovely set of God-crutches, be aware that the South, as a whole, may indeed rise again, just as soon as our fine Canadian meds arrive.

    Of course there will always be those who hold to the “correlation = causality” theory, and will conclude that we have been attack-free for many years, not because of our unwavering and drunken belief in God (the fifth Beatle), but because Kentucky contains nothing worth invading it for.

    Any further discussion of this matter will take the form of a gentleman’s duel. Pistols and coffee at dawn, and the first man to get it up will be able to freely rewrite our Homeland Security verbiage to grant power to the diety of his choice.

    I’m pulling for Bahamut myself.
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bahamut

    • tannerleah says:

      Nothing worth invading for? What about Nashville and the Grand Ole Opry? Maybe you’ve heard of a little place named Dollywood? I mean, what the hell?

      What’s that? Those places are in Tennessee? In that case, fu** Kentucky.

  7. elizabeth3hersh says:

    The West Main District (Old Louisville) in Louisville is one of the most beautiful places on Earth and boasts stunning Victorian architecture. When God is in town, this is where he undoubtedly bunks down (doesn’t seem he gets much over to the Appalachian hill and hollow people as they are more ‘Jesus folk’).

    I’m surprised the legislators didn’t ‘class up’ and construct a marble monument on the grounds of the State Capitol in Frankfort and engrave it with “protect us Heavenly Father from holy jihadists whom you created in your image and instructed to annihilate us.”

    I hope I am not sounding too smug here because I have actually adopted a similar strategy in keeping vampires from my home. By stringing garlic all around the house, I have kept those evildoers from sucking my blood. Say what you want, but BELIEF works!!

  8. hoboduke says:

    When the creeks turn to dust, and the earth quakes all the atheists get mad at the big guy. He’s not there! Atheists need a new diversion, because they are mad at something that doesn’t exist! Sort of like being mad at the tooth fairy that didn’t leave you any money when you got your dentures.

  9. Donald Mills says:

    Fine post Tannerlea.

    Any idea where God might be relocating to? The house next door to mine is for sale and as long as he’s quiet and tends to his lawn I’m sure we’d get along damned fine.

    p.s. CLT – nice work. You don’t see communism, Ayn Rand and cloth diapers used in one sentence nearly often enough!

  10. Kyle says:

    The problem is not the use of God. The problem is the mandatory order to use this ensription under consequence of one year in prison. That is totally unlawful. Thank god for liberals who fight to keep us free.

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