Gay People Need To Be Quiet In Church

This is the lesson learned by Monique Stephens and her lesbian partner (some unnamed woman). It seems Monique and her lover girl were being disruptive during a service at New Olivet Baptist Church. So the bouncers (or whatever they call these guys in church) kicked them out. 

According to Monique, they knocked her glasses off and were just generally rough with her. Of course they were! Jesus doesn’t want people being all lippy when he is trying to get his message out. You are supposed to be quiet and learn something. 

To be fair, Monique and friend may not have known the rules since they don’t believe in God. (Which probably explains how they ended up being gay in the first place). 

Rev. Kenneth Whalum Jr. told the congregation to bow down and blow kisses to God. It was at this point that Monique and her partner refused to participate. Allegedly, (which means it probably happened), they were being loud and disruptive during this period of time. 

Not surprisingly, some of the congregation referred to them as “devil worshippers”. Clearly, they are or they would have done the “blowing kisses to God” thing. Only heathens and gay people would ignore such a command. 

Rev. Whalum said that he has a whole boatload of the gays at his church but they tend to follow his instructions. He stated, “If I put every lesbian out of church, we’d be putting people out of church all day long.” 

Just a minute, Padre! Are you saying that the New Olivet Baptist Church is chockfull of lesbians? Do you mean the good kind? You know…the lipstick variety? If so, I am there, my brother. If you mean the Rosie type, however, then I encourage you to keep kicking them out as you see fit. 

Maybe Monique and her carpet loving associate were worried that they were going to get the gay prayed out of them and became disruptive. This is a common problem in church. For those of you that are uneducated on such things, let me explain. When a person in church starts speaking in “tongues”, that means that the gay is coming out of them. I read this on a very reputable website so I am pretty sure it is true. 

In any case, I hope that all parties involved can learn to get along. I must go now as it is time for me to blow some kisses to God. Pucker up, big fella!


20 Responses to Gay People Need To Be Quiet In Church

  1. OH. My. God. You are going to burn in hell.

    “carpet loving” YOU are hilarious

  2. Lesbians in church? I didn’t realize that flannel shirts were proper church attire? Oh well….more power to them!

    Other than the whole “sitting down to pee thing”, I actually have a lot in common with them.

  3. bschooled says:

    My question is why didn’t the parents of Monique’s “carpet loving associate” bother to give her a name?

    It’s like they somehow predicted she’d turn out this way…

  4. Bart says:

    Lesbian’s generally use their tongues for things other than speaking to God.

  5. yorksnbeans says:

    Ooh, you’re bad TL. Very,very bad. So bad, I can’t hold back my laughter. Does that mean I’m bad, too?

  6. Vicki says:

    I’m cringing and laughing at the same time. What is it about Rosie? When you mentioned her….I threw up in my mouth a little.
    I think delicate flower is right…you might burn for this one hun!
    You’re to lovable to burn, so I think you need to repent!

    • tannerleah says:

      If I repent, I will miss all of the fun people in hell. I mean, I am sure Pat Boone is a wonderful guy but I don’t see myself hanging with him all day. (Not sure if Pat is dead yet so substitute Dick Clark if that works better).

  7. Bill Reed says:

    What was an a couple of atheists, let alone lesbian atheists, doing in church? I don’t have a problem with “rug munchers,” in fact I know where their coming from, but I have trouble of understanding why an atheist would attend church when the whole attraction of atheism, as far as I can tell, is sleeping in on Sundays without the fear of burning eternally in Hell. They where obviously looking for trouble for reasons that had nothing to do with sexual orientation, like maybe they were just a******s!

    • tannerleah says:

      Maybe they were trying to find the ever elusive Jesus?

      • Bill Reed says:

        Sometimes I wonder what your point is, or even if you have a point. “Perhaps,” I think to myself, “he really is all facade,” like me.

        • Bill Reed says:

          BTW, I think I’ll add you to my “Funner Places To Be Than Here” list on my Blog — unless that will annoy you, in which case I’ll stop. (Let me know. 🙂

          • tannerleah says:

            That would be very kind of you. I am woefully behind updating my blogroll so I can make no promises of reciprocation, in the near term. Someday I will get it right. I sure do owe a lot of people.

        • tannerleah says:

          Busted…I have no point. However, I am greatly interested in what other people think. That’s the best part.

          • Bill Reed says:

            My theory is that no one is as serious as they would like to believe. Someone once said they wanted to find out what was going on in the depths of my mind and I told them I had no depths, only shallows. And, I agree it is interesting finding out what others think.

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