Karl Malden Killed Himself Because Of Michael Jackson?

July 1, 2009

Now, I have no actual proof of this but I think it is odd that this vibrant, relatively young man just happens to die a few days after Michael died. Plus, there have been reports that no less than 12 other people have killed themselves due to their heartache over MJ’s passing. 

Karl was a spry 97 so the odds of him dying from something “natural” seems pretty unlikely to me. No doubt, TMZ will have the real scoop in just a few short hours. 

And what of these other 12 people? They haven’t been named nor has it been proven that they exist but, why would someone lie about it? The source is some guy that runs a Michael Jackson website so I don’t see how he could have any kind of agenda. In fact, with Karl, the count is now up to 13. Tragic, just tragic. 

I am a little peeved today with MJ because he has cut his ex-wife, Debbie Rowe, out of his will. As you know, Debbie is not a terribly handsome woman but I let her have her way with me in hopes that I might find a sort of financial advantage from doing so. Currently, Debbie has a 72 Pontiac and about $12 in her savings account. Without the MJ cash, I am not going to recover…financially or emotionally. 

Mike also left his dad Joe out of the will. Apparently, there were some hard feelings after all these years because Joe allegedly used Mike as a punching bag as a kid. Now, I don’t normally condone violence against children but Mike probably brought it on himself. If you remember, Mike was supposed to be the baritone of the group and completely failed to fall in line. 

My new plan, if I can wash off what remains of Debbie Rowe, is to hook up with Latoya. I know, I should probably go with Janet but I am afraid of her previous weight gain issues. Latoya is certainly crazier but I think that just gives me a better chance. (And, as usual, Mrs. Tannerleah is completely on board). 

If I can’t land one of the Jackson sisters, I could go after the mom. However, I am afraid of Joe so that’s not happening. Instead, I have had my eye on that Tito for a long time. I am not sure if he is a pitcher or a catcher but I am sure we can work something out. 

Well, I am off to Neverland to start to weasel my way into the fam. Wish me luck!