Lulu Is Starting To Harsh My Mellow

As most of you know, I finished my little book about my childhood. Having no great aspirations, I just wanted to get the book printed so I could give it to my kids and a few other people. (Like my attorney in case I run into trouble with the law). 

After checking a few sites, I picked Lulu and one of their basic publishing packs. I don’t know the first thing about publishing a book and have no desire to learn. I am more than happy to pay someone to take care of the finer details. (I used the same philosophy in raising our children). 

Everything went swimmingly…at first. They made me a nifty little cover that was way better than what I had drawn with my drawer full of crayons. Plus, they gave it the special ISBN number or whatever it is one needs to have a book. I even had them edit the book and they did a smashing job. 

Then nothing. For the last 3 weeks, they have apparently fled the country and cannot be tracked down. This is frustrating because all that was left to do was the formatting. I have never formatted anything in my life but it doesn’t sound terribly difficult. 

Then, to my surprise, I see that the book is listed on Amazon. This is especially interesting because I am not sure how one sells something that doesn’t actually exist. Maybe they are just selling the concept of the book and, if you purchase it, then they will actually go to the trouble of formatting and printing it. 

Anyway, Lulu has decided to treat me like all of the pretty girls in high school…with complete and utter disdain. I am not going to lie, it stings a little. I guess I could go all “Carrie” like on Lulu but I don’t have the energy or desire. 

So, I will either find another vendor to handle this seemingly complicated task or just publish the whole thing on-line. Still, there is something attractive about having a book that will be kicking around long after 2012 when the world comes to an end. (Something to do with the Mayan calendar – Google it) 

Lulu, I am willing to forgive and forget. Maybe you decided to spend your time with another man. I don’t know and I don’t care. Please take me back and finish my modest project. I know you are kind of a whore because you have already taken my money but I will not judge. (Did I say anything about that sore on your upper lip?) Please treat me right. Yours impatiently, TL


16 Responses to Lulu Is Starting To Harsh My Mellow

  1. lawrenceez says:

    Hi, not sure what’s going on here, but I think you need to get advice from someone. If you have purchased ISBN numbers from Lulu, then they are the publisher your book. I hope you get it sorted soon.

  2. yorksnbeans says:

    If you ever get it sorted out, can we buy direct from the author? 🙂

  3. nonnie9999 says:

    what’s the name of the book? can you give me a link to it on amazon? i want it in its present form–that is, non-existent. i’m too busy to be reading books, so yours sounds perfect for my schedule.

  4. Bart says:

    Aren’t you inadvertently disclosing your true “secret” identity by releasing this information?

    • tannerleah says:

      Eh…I don’t care. Most everyone that knows me knows about the blog. As for the people I upset or are looking to kill me, well, we all have to go sometime.

  5. One day when I reveal my true identity…maybe I share the book I wrote.

    • Me too. Maybe I’ll even share both of them 🙂
      books that is, not identities.

      TL, Email Lulu and tell her it’s over. You either want your money back or the book in hand right away. Did you order copies from Amazon yet?

      • tannerleah says:

        So you aren’t really Claire Collins? I am so easily duped.

        A friend ordered a copy of the book that doesn’t exist from Lulu. I will be interested to see how they handle it.

  6. nursemyra says:

    you sound remarkably calm about this. how about sharing your xanax with the rest of us?

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