Smell My Finger…Please

Really, I need you to sniff it for me. Why? Because, about two years ago, I completely lost my sense of smell. I have nasal polyps that are causing me all kinds of problems and this is one of the major by-products. 

This has turned out to be a bit of a mixed blessing. On the one hand, I can’t smell all of the bad things in the world like farts, pollution, men’s cologne, babies, etc. On the other hand, I am also missing out on the great smells like Thanksgiving dinner, candles, my wife’s hair, flowers and on and on. 

For most people, this would probably be a life altering ailment that permanently disabled them. Being ever the optimist, however, I am trying to figure out a way to utilize this new found skill. Turn this lemon into lemonade, if you will. 

So I am taking suggestions on how I might best utilize this new super power that is so rare. I don’t want to do the obvious like sewer work or be a gynecologist. No, I want to do something unique, practical and, above all else, incredibly profitable.    

Really, now that I think about it, anything remotely dealing with poop or the poop hole should be immediately eliminated. I just don’t see any upside there. I am open to other foul smells but they can’t be associated with things that are gross to look at. 

For instance, inspecting infected hoo-hoos would not work because the visual would be even more horrific than the smell. (Hence my refusal to be a gynecologist). I suppose I could inspect healthy hoo-hoos but I am not sure there is much of a market there.

Anyway, I am stumped. Please help me find a new path and let me use this gift that God has granted me. (Oh, and a big shout out to Jesus for giving me the polyps in the first place…greatly appreciated). 

Thanks for your help in this exciting, yet pitiful, search for greatness. TL


18 Responses to Smell My Finger…Please

  1. yorksnbeans says:

    What about “Refrigerator Smellman”. Don’t you just hate it when you’re at a friends or family member’s house and they open up their fridge and it about knocks you over dead? I think there’s a major void in this area of refrigerator maintenance. Although, wait a minute, you can’t smell. Nix on that one. I’ll keep thinking.

  2. Davis says:

    I’m suffering through a head cold right now, so I understand your plight at least a little

  3. Bart says:

    So you are an Anosmic. Just think of the benefits. The old catchphrase “first one who smelt it, dealt it” will never apply to you. You could also become a garbage man or a licensed “skunk-catcher” as you won’t be affected by the awful smell.

  4. yorksnbeans says:

    okay…here’s one…sports locker organizer

  5. Ram Venkatararam says:


    You might wish to consider “Men’s washroom attendant” – handing out towels is easy work and my understanding is that the tips are rather good. While your inability to detect odours will be a plus, you may still need to battle with some rather unfortunate sounds. Especially is you choose to ply your trade in a fancy Mexican restaurant.

    Other choices might include inner city bus driver, KFC franchise operator or garbage scow captain.

    Personally, though, I see you in politics.

  6. Morgue Prep
    Road Kill Cleaner Upper
    The guy that goes into a house and cleans it after someone has been killed in it or left dead for a week.

  7. Kevin John says:

    I believe you should apply for Congressional/Senate page duty in D.C., then work your way up to be a attache’.
    After that of course, you would be a front runner for nomination for a seat.Then the sky would be the limit.

    The mere fact that the decades of shit/stank/rank smell would not infest your mind and send you into emotional tyraids based on quasi-logic would assure you of success.

    God bless you and God bless America.

  8. I’m guessing your use of the medical term “hoo-hoos” has also kept you out of the profitable vaginacologist field.

    I’m not sure what the lack of one sense would enable you to do better than those with the sense still intact.

    Sell lightbulbs by phone?

  9. Sweats Model says:

    Super powers = superhero. Nostrildamus?

  10. tannerleah says:

    Many, many great ideas…none of which make me big time money. So my blessing turns out to be a curse. Dammit.

  11. Sarah says:

    I don’t have any suggestions for you, but, God, you just crack me up! LOL


  12. Professional diaper changer. Parents would pay for that.

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