Olivia Wilde Is Maxim’s “Hottest” Woman?

May 15, 2009

How in the hell is this even slightly possible? Don’t attractive women have to have at least a few of the following: Good skin, boobs, hips, an ass, etc? Sadly, Olivia has none of the above. She is the 2009 version of Olive Oyl. Take a look at this “hot” photo.

olivia wilde

Wow! Does she have some sexy bones or what? Guys, how would you like to rub your face between her…err…well, sternum, I guess. I have seen more meat on my lunchtime sandwich. There is nothing even slightly sexy to be seen here. 

Now, to be fair, she does have a few things going for her. First, the bags under her eyes could probably hold about 300 pounds of my belongings so she would be awesome to travel with. Plus, if you ever had some food caught in your teeth you could use one of her fingers to get it out. 

Please, please, please, stop with the malnourished, waif “hot” list. They look terrible and are not the least bit sexy. Plus they look like they are about to keel over any second now. Get this girl a cheeseburger, stat! 

On the other end of ridiculous selections, Michelle Obama was also listed as one of the top 100 hottest women. She wouldn’t even be the 3rd hottest woman in my house. (She would place behind my wife, daughter and Newfoundland). 

If it was a list of powerful or influential women, I would get it. But hot? C’mon. I know once you go black you never go back but they weren’t talking about Michelle. She is attractive in a “wow, that mouth could do some damage” kind of way, but that’s it. 

I suspect the real point of these lists is to create controversy and build circulation for the magazine. By picking Olive Oyl and Michelle, I would say they have accomplished their mission. Unfortunately, Oscar Wilde is hotter than Olivia and that makes this particular list a complete waste. Better luck next time.


Wake The Hell Up Friday

May 15, 2009

Turn it up to 11.