Art Is For Suckers (And Rich People)

May 14, 2009

I mean, how else do you explain someone paying over 9 million dollars for the following piece of “art”.

Spring Art Auction

Are you fu**ing kidding me? 9 million for drawing 8 straight lines. This is art? I mean, I could see if it had like 12 lines or maybe even 10…but 8? The guy that bought this painting is the guy that is paying the Nigerian prince. He has to be the only person that stupid in the entire world. 

Beyond the fact that it is horrible to look at, it is in black and white! For that kind of cash, shouldn’t a brother get some color in the painting? I am sure it is black and white so that it is “minimalist” and “austere” and whatever other fancy words one wants to use to justify the price tag. 

I would be embarrassed to hang that thing in my house unless I could claim that I found it lying in an alley or I paid a starving artist. The artist in this case is Piet Mondrian. I won’t lie…never heard of the guy. I do know, however, that Piet is about as stupid of a name as I have ever heard. No wonder the poor bastard became an artist. He probably got his butt kicked on a regular basis for having such an awful name. 

Anyway, I have now decided I should become an artist. Not a good one, but more of an abstract artist. Here is my first work. It is called, “Black and white lines on white”. See how minimalist and abstract that is? I am selling it for a minimum of 2 million dollars although I am always open to all offers. (So don’t be ashamed to offer me a Big Mac or a can of Diet Coke).

black and white lines

As with my writing, I am also a prolific artist. I can pound out as many of these bad boys as you need. So don’t be worried if the first one gets sold before you have a chance to bid on it. As a great artist, I am always creating. Plus, if you would like colored lines, I will only charge an extra million. As you can see my generosity knows no boundaries. 

Now please, someone hurry up and call the douche pump that paid the 9 mil and let him know what I am offering for a much more modest price. I appreciate the help. Happy creating my artistic friends!