Does My Phone Really Need 38 Buttons?

May 13, 2009

I just took a look at my phone. I mean, I see it everyday but today I really looked at it. It is just a regular office phone…not some sort of combo phone and keypad like a Blackberry. 

For some reason, this phone has 38 buttons and an LCD screen. (I won’t even comment on the LCD screen…I have no clue what it is supposed to do). What could all of these buttons possibly do? By my count, I use 17 of them. Should I get some sort of refund for all of the buttons I am not using? Seems like I am getting ripped off. 

Or maybe the other buttons do some really spectacular stuff and I am missing out on it. Maybe one button can iron my shirt while another one can locate my car keys. Just think of all of the perks at my fingertips that I am missing. 

My guess is that a bunch of “what if” engineers got together and came up with all of the extra buttons. They probably had like 20 buttons and then the “what if” group spoke up. What if we need to conference a fifth party at a later time? What if the hub goes down and a substation needs to be over written? (Yeah, I just completely made that up). 

Now that I think about it, all my electronic stuff has way too many keys or buttons. For instance, I am sure all of the “F” keys do magical things on my keyboard…but I never use them. Just like all of the memory keys on my calculator; I never use them either. 

I am getting totally screwed here. Some of you are living a superior life to mine even though we have exactly the same stuff. Why? Because somehow you were let into the “secret button club”. I bet it’s like being a Mason or a Shriner. You get all of this cool stuff that average people will never see. 

Well I have had enough. I am no longer buying anymore stuff with extra buttons. In fact, I think I will demand too few buttons so I can complain about not having enough instead of having too many. Somehow, I think this will make me feel better. 

Now excuse me while I start banging on these “F” keys. (I wonder if I will get a hummer or pedicure if I press the right button? I’ll let you know).