Does Jesus Support Boob Jobs?

I ask because of this latest controversy involving Miss California, Carrie Prejean. Carrie makes no bones about having implants. Which is good since her boobs look like two softballs super glued to her sternum. Ewww… 

Since Carrie is a devout Christian, something must have lead her to believe that Jesus would be ok with her altering her body shape. While I am sure Jesus is all for working out and being healthy, where in the Bible does it say anything about implant approval? 

And God said unto them, “Let there be boobs. Big boobs”…and so there were boobs.  

I just don’t see that happening. No, Carrie, like many of her Christian cohorts, has bastardized the words of Jesus and Christianity to meet their personal needs. I want boobs and, since how God made me just isn’t good enough, I will have man make me better. That thought process just screams devotion. 

I must say I was disappointed that when Carrie lost, she didn’t thank Jesus for her loss. “I would just like to thank Jesus for allowing me to be second best”. You just know backstage she was muttering to herself, “Thanks Jesus…for a big fat nothing!” 

And now the conservative right has a new spokesperson for their continued fight against gay marriage. I know that when I am stuck on these kinds of deep, philosophical questions, I seek out the advice of a blond, boob implanted, young California chick. Is there a better place to seek council?  

The only thing I can agree with Carrie about is her nude photos. Like her, I also believe that Jesus condones nude photos…but only of hot chicks. I mean, just look at all of the nude photos of the Virgin Mary on the Internet. Clearly, Christians love them some nudity. 

So Carrie, a word or two of advice. First, try to talk less. This will make you look more intelligent. Also, either upsize your boobs or get those softballs taken out…they look ridiculous. Next, make a lesbian soft porn movie. This will go a long way in giving you some sort of career. As Anita Bryant will tell you, just hating gays is not really a career choice. 

For my Jesus loving friends, can you please tell me if Jesus is ok with nudity and boob implants? I think he is but, being a heathen, I don’t really know. Please check the Bible and give me a verse or two. Thanks.

24 Responses to Does Jesus Support Boob Jobs?

  1. Davis says:

    Some very good (and very funny) observations, especially about the softballs. Thanks for the laugh

  2. yorksnbeans says:

    Maybe now she is pondering whether the boobs were not quite large enough, and the reason why she didn’t win.

  3. Era says:

    Let she who is without sin cast the first implant.

  4. art vandelay says:

    I don’t think Jesus cares about breast implants–it’s not one of the commandments so I think she’s good.
    Beauty treatments were HUGE in the bible and it never referred to them as sinful. Also, it really doesn’t harm your body (which of course is the temple in which the Holy Spirit resides) so that’s okay, too. (Oh I bet that one is really going to set Liz off!) 🙂
    Did you know Kathy Ireland is a Jesus Freak these days? There are some total hotties comin’ to the Lord these days..(including me of course)

    • tannerleah says:

      Well, if you want to convert us guys, this should be the strategy. We will do anything for a hot chick. (Well, almost anything. I refuse to speak in tongues. By the way Art, please tell me you don’t do the tongues thing.)

    • Brad says:

      What about the deadly sin of vanity? What could be more vain than getting a boob job. If the body is the temple, don’t you think God would be offended if you atatch a mobile home to it, which is the building equivalent of a boob job.

  5. art vandelay says:

    You’d have to ask my husband about my “tongues thing”

  6. Matthew 5:29-32

    “If your right eye makes you stumble, tear it out and throw it from you; for it is better for you to lose one of the parts of your body, than for your whole body to be thrown into hell.
    If any part of your body shall make you feel slightly inadequate or subpar, upgrade; for it better for you to place second than not at all.
    For God has placed outward beauty above all else; for while real beauty lies on the inside, it is the outside which makes that critical first impression, especially in California.
    As God has said on numerous occasions, make mountains of molehills so that My glory may be magnified and threaten to burst out of that tiny, cashmere button-up sweater.”

  7. elizabeth3hersh says:

    The following chemicals are frequently found in numerous beauty and health products:

    Lead and other heavy metals

    …and Jesus would not be okay with boob jobs. Unless of course, he became a plastic surgeon (if you’re a Jew, it’s law school or med school). More likely, if Jesus (Netanyahu, Shapiro, or Rabinowitz) were alive today, he would have Susan Herman’s job: president of the ACLU after he finished his law degree. However, if he claimed to be the son of God, then I’m thinking Bellevue.

  8. art vandelay says:

    Jesus and the ACLU? Never. LOVED Lion Tamer’s Post..lmao

  9. If sweet Jesus didn’t want us to have bigger, harder, misplaced, misshapen and unresponsive boobs, he wouldn’t have invented plastic surgeons.

  10. It isn’t possible. I merely made implants sound like a bad thing. They may look fabulous, all perked up and spherical and whatnot, but the real deal sure feels better.

    And if dear sweet Jesus wanted us to have perfectly round breasts positioned directly below our collar bones, he wouldn’t have invented gravity.

  11. […] blogs that traffic in, among other things: – Wanton elevator-related lust – Questioning of Ms. California’s purity – Positive portrayal of convicted felons – Depiction of roosters as capable of asexual reproduction […]

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