Funky Cold Friday

May 8, 2009

To Liz…the whitest person I know.

Drew Peterson Engaged To Another Widow-To-Be (Updated)

May 8, 2009

I don’t know if I am more appalled or amazed at the continuing story of Mr. Peterson. Maybe a little bit of both. Just a year after the disappearance of his 24 year old wife Stacy, Drew is once again engaged to another 24 year old woman. It can’t be his awesome looks or rock hard abs…so what the hell is it?


Why do attractive young women find this guy appealing, particularly after they already know that his previous relationships generally end up with the wife being dead?

Maybe I should recap Drew’s track record so far. Drew is currently married to his 4th wife, Stacy. I should say technically married because she has been missing for a year and, as near as anyone can tell, she has been murdered. (Although Drew is not exactly spending his weekends looking for her). Drew’s 3rd wife, Kathleen Savio, was found dead in a bath tub in 2004. At the time, her death was ruled an accidental drowning. So I can kind of understand why Stacy was not overly concerned.

However, even at the innocent age of 24, you would think the young lady could work out the math equation. Wives 1 and 2, allegedly beaten on a regular basis. Wives 3 and 4, not so allegedly dead. What can wife number 5 expect? At the very least probably several good a** kicking’s but, more than likely, a date with a blue 55 gallon drum. Hopefully, her parents have a deprogrammer kidnap her and fix her head.

What is most fascinating is Drew’s sociopathic behavior and complete and utter disdain for his fellow man. He is the center of his own universe and we are merely pawns in his game. Even calling him a narcissist would be a compliment. When Drew dies, he should definitely leave his brain to science so they can try to figure out where it all went so wrong.

My hope is that his new bride also has some sort of  “master plan”. How ironic would it be for her to become a widow at the expense of poor Drew? Hopefully, she has been brushing up on her CSI reruns and is up to the task. If not, we will be reading about the terrible tragedy that befell Drew’s poor young wife. She will be lucky to see 25.

Of course it is always conceivable that Drew has just had a string of really, really bad luck. Maybe Kathleen really did die accidentally (in spite of the new evidence found when she was exhumed). Maybe Stacy ran off with a younger man to Mexico and knew that Drew would hurt her if he found out. Maybe Drew really loves this new girl and wants to treat her like a queen.

Eh, who am I kidding? This guy makes OJ look like a good husband.

EDIT: I guess “widow-to-be” actually is incorrect. I just couldn’t think of a catchier way to say “dead wife”.

UPDATE: Looks like fun time might be over for Drew. He is being indicted today for the death of his 3rd wife, Kathleen Savio. This should come as extremely good news to the as yet undead new fiancé.

As always, Drew handled the arrest with class and contrition. “I guess I should have returned those library books,” was his statement as we was being lead away. Stay classy Drew…stay classy.