Technically, the dog actually humps you but “hump the dog” has a nice ring to it, don’t you think?
Let me explain for those of you unfamiliar with this fun pastime. When I was a youngster, I had a dog named Hobo. Hobo loved to do two things…run away and hump things. He would eventually run away permanantly one day but not before humping a ton of things while under our care.
The kids in the neighborhood would play all kinds of games on pretty much a daily basis. Prior to finding Hobo, the loser(s) would have to go through the “hot oven” if they lost. This consisted of crawling on your hands and knees between the legs of the other kids as they swatted your butt. I can assure you that, although this screamed “gay”, there were no sexual connotations.
Once we came across Hobo, the new punishment for the loser was to be humped by Hobo for 30 seconds. Sometimes, if Hobo was really in the mood, you would be marked with a “spot”. This was the ultimate humiliation.
One of my favorite games back then was “bottle rocket”. In this game, you would drop a large firecracker (M80 or Cherry Bomb) into a glass bottle with the top broken off. You would stand in a circle to see who would be the first to break the circle and run away from the impending explosion. Sounds like fun, eh?
We had a variety of similar intelligent, well thought out games. Generally speaking, the more likely the loser would be maimed in a game, the more we wanted to play it. A lot of the games involved gasoline…always a sure winner to keep the kids entertained.
Another game we played was “grab in the dark”. This was played when girls were available. The point was to crawl around in a pitch dark basement and, when you came across someone, reach out and grab a handful of something. Again, in retrospect, there may have been some gay facets with this game but I am sure they were unintentional.
I missed Hobo when he ran away. I don’t think it was because of his uncanny ability to hump things but maybe I am kidding myself. His talent was truly rare. You will also be glad to know that none of us were ever seriously hurt in these games and I couldn’t tell you where our parents were. It was just a different, kinder, gentler time. As for “grab in the dark”…I mostly grabbed junk. I don’t really miss that game.