Why Do Rainbows Have To Be Gay?

Don’t rainbows have rights too? Who says that they need, or want to be gay? Maybe they want to be asexual or bisexual. Maybe they want to be, Oz forbid, heterosexual. 

Why am I asking this question? Because 14 year old Chris Quintanilla was given permission to wear a wristband that says, “Rainbows are gay” at his local school. At first, the principle did not allow Chris to wear the wristband but the ACLU quickly swooped in and fixed that. 

Todd Umbridge, also 14, has asked if he can wear a wristband that says, “Trees are hetero” but there has been no decision made on that request. Ok, that’s a lie. There is no Todd. I just felt like the straight kids needed a wristband too. 

Back to my main point. Why are rainbows associated with gays? Why not something else? Wouldn’t pink flamingos be a better choice? Or maybe clouds could be gay. They look gay so I think that would work out nicely. 

Do you think Chris really knows whether he is gay or not at the age of 14? Said another way, if some young starlet offered to do him do you think he would still hold out for a guy? (Not including one of the Jonas Brothers because any of us would do one of them). 

And what about the wristband? Why does he get to wear a gay one? Can’t he just wear tight jeans and a well coifed hairdo to make his point? My guess is that Chris would probably set off my gaydar at 30 paces so why does he feel compelled to show me via his wristband. If he has to wear a wristband, couldn’t he just wear ones like Wonder Woman? That would scream, “I’m gay!” to anyone who cared. 

Which brings me to my last point. Chris, why do you think anyone cares that you are gay? Why the compulsion to tell the masses? I could see if it was some sort of elite club but, to join the gay crew, I just have to drop a bar of soap in a public shower or stick my thingy threw a hole in the wall at a gay bar. Wow…doesn’t seem that difficult. If you are going to aim for something, you could aim a little bit higher. 

Anyway Chris, good luck with the wristband. I am sure it will endear you with all of the other 14 year old boys. Just keep a firm grip on your soap in the boys locker room.



9 Responses to Why Do Rainbows Have To Be Gay?

  1. pinnythewu says:

    Tanner, I think you missed the point a little. By Chris wearing his “rainbows are gay” wristband, he is making fun of the rainbows. It’s kind of like when a friend tells you that they just bought the new Britney album and you respond with “Dude, thats so gay”. Altought, Chris may be picking on the innocent rainbow in an attempt to cover up the fact that he himself is gay. Bullies do this I hear.

  2. Pinny..you beat me to it. Was thinking the same thing.

  3. elizabeth3hersh says:

    I call the clear acrylic ones for those of us who are woefully abstinent.

  4. art vandelay says:

    Yeah, kinda like my freshman son buying a Hannah Montana notebook….teen boys think it’s cool…or do they??

  5. Kali says:

    Oh, come on! Of course any 14-year-old boy (the int’l year of cruelty for boys) willing to wear that is pretty eff’ing certain he’s gay! God…my heart just bleeds all over the floor. In huge pools.

  6. one of my mom’s is gay..the other one is straight..i think. anyhow the gay one wears crap like that all the time…

    my school gay club is giving out tee shirts today that say “gay? fine by me” i want one..but im too lazy to drive to campus….i wish they would of made a shirt that says: “gay? who gives a fuck”..or “gay? take a number”

    Im telling you being gay is the new black..40 years ago it was kind of uncool to be black (okay you got your ass kicked for being black), and now everyone wants to be black…20 years ago it was uncool to be gay (yep you got your ass kicked for being a fag) and now everyone and including one of my moms is gay…
    the world is going to hell with gasoline thongs on…

  7. elizabeth3hersh says:

    The Yiddish t-shirt version might read “feygelah…gayfelah…just stay away from my tuchis”.

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