(Per a request from Bart).
A German retiree was found dead recently, strapped to the top of a tree. It appears he committed suicide almost 30 years ago. A hiker found the body after he came across one of the old dudes bones on the ground.
Although the tree was an evergreen, how did this guy not get found for such a long time? Do people in Germany not ever look up? Maybe this is why they lost the war. Every time a bomber would come in they would say, “Crap, we didn’t see the plane”.
The dead fellow was identified through DNA testing and the fact he had an artificial hip. How did a 69 year old guy, with a fake hip, climb to the top of a 30 foot tree? Not just that, but he also strapped himself in so well that he didn’t fall in 30 years. What kind of rope was the old fella using? Titanium?
This seems like just more lazy police work. Sure, the guy died 30 years ago but don’t you guys have a “cold case” team in Germany? If not, we can loan you ours. I never really liked that skinny blond on that show so you can keep her if you want. This suicide stinks like day old fish or a prostitute’s hoo-hoo. Get after it.
If it really was a suicide, can I make a suggestion? In the future, could people that are going to kill themselves do it in an easy to find place? Like the guy on House last night…dead in his bedroom. They didn’t even do an investigation; just called it suicide from the beginning. Case closed.
The last thing anyone needs is for a bunch of bones to come crashing down from a tree on them. Show a little respect for the living, will ya? I think that the tub is the best place to do your suicide. It’s easy to clean and will not stink for a long time after the body is removed. Again, this is just common courtesy.
Or, if you don’t have a bath tub, hitchhike to Cape Canaveral and climb into one of the shuttle engines. It will vaporize you instantaneously and no one will have to clean up the mess. Plus, I think the burning bones will throw off a nice bluish hue. That would be pretty for us spectators to look at.
Of course the best plan is to just not be German then you don’t have to kill yourself.