You see? This is exactly why I don’t want to be cremated. You never quite know when you will be that one person who wasn’t really dead that gets put into the ground. Here’s what happened.
William “Billy” Hensley from Bedford, IN died last September and, for whatever reason, was buried with his cell phone by his side. My guess is that they wanted him to be able to call form the “other side”. Or, he had an exceptionally annoying ring tone that they never wanted to hear again. Whatever the reason, into the ground it went.
Since his burial, it has been discovered that Billy’s phone is being used. He’s alive! My guess is that he woke up in the casket, busted it open, and clawed his way out of the ground. He was probably so pissed that they buried him alive that he just took off…with his trusty phone in his hand.
However, there is an alternative version to this story according to police. They are suggested that someone stole the phone out of Billy’s casket. Now I ask you, what kind of low down, no good, trailer park, leg humping, low life would steal a phone from a dead guy? I mean, I don’t even think it was a Blackberry. I refuse to believe it. Sheriff Sam Craig said it is not uncommon for disputes to arise between family members of the deceased. But to steal a cell phone? That is just weak.
No, I am confident that this is a case of Billy either coming back as a zombie and trying to stay on the down low or he never was dead in the first place. If he is a zombie, then I really can’t help. I don’t know where to get brains and, even if I did, I am not sure I wouldn’t eat them for my own benefit. If he is not a zombie, he should place prank calls to his family. It would be kind of mean but really, really, funny.
If someone really did steal the phone, I hope they feel it was worth it. Carrying around a dead dudes phone is just creepy. Plus, everyone knows that the dead can come back through electromagnetic fields. That means that the person with the phone could get possessed…kind of like all of the Twilight people.
When I die, please make sure I have a phone in my casket. And for the love of Pete, get me a good service provider. I don’t want to wake up six feet under with no bars.
Can you hear me now? (Thanks SD).