Woman Calls 911 For A Ride To Jail

A Florida woman called 911 and asked for a ride to jail or to a hospital. It seems she was unhappy with her current living conditions and wanted to upgrade to a community hospital bed or jail cell. Sadly, the police denied her request. 

Undaunted, the woman, Martha Crooks, called again and again until they finally went and arrested her for abusing the 911 system. Thank goodness…another evil criminal off the street. I feel a lot safer. Here is a photo of the beautiful young woman.


(She really wears orange well, doesn’t she? It brings the flaming madness out in her eyes. God, just another example of what I could chase after if I weren’t married). 

This story reminds me of a loved one that used to call the taxi company to shop for her. Initially, she would call and ask for a driver to come get her. When the cab arrived, she would hand him money and send him to the liquor store for beer. (Only the good stuff, PBR). Surprisingly, or not, almost all of the drivers were willing to do this. Birds of a feather, I guess. 

This became so common, that she had her own special cab driver assigned to her. She would call, tell them what she needed, and he would deliver to the door for a hefty tip. 

Wouldn’t it be great if all of society ran like that? I could call 911 to get a ride to work if I didn’t feel like driving. Or I could have the fire department bring me a pizza. I don’t know if cabbies still do such things but I hope they do. They are the REAL heroes in our otherwise bland world. 

As for Martha, I hope she gets the help she needs. Maybe that show that builds houses for people could come build Martha a really big one. Then, her and her lunatic friends could turn it into the nicest damned crackhouse in Florida. I would watch that episode for sure. 

Anyway, I have to go now. I am having the cable guy deliver my prescription meds. Funny what a $20 bill to the pharmacy girl will let you get away with.


16 Responses to Woman Calls 911 For A Ride To Jail

  1. chelsypillsbury says:

    It’s always the last line that’s hilarious. And I thought I was sarcastic…


    • tannerleah says:

      After reading your site, I can bless you as being suitably unstable to fit right in here. We welcome you.

      (And sarcasm is such a dark word…I prefer “truth teller”. Makes me sound more likeable).

  2. chelsypillsbury says:

    haha fair enough.

  3. Funny someone once was describing me to a friend of his. His comment was “Bearman says out loud what the rest of us only say in our head”

    Is that good or bad?

  4. Kali says:

    I have a story for you. I live in NYC, and pretty much every restaurant delivers. It became a regular thing a few years back that when my friends and I ordered food, we’d ask as we were ordering, “Hey — can the delivery guy pick up some smokes and beer on the way here? We’ll tip well and, of course, pay for the stuff.” It never, ever failed that they did it. I don’t thing there was a single time we were turned down. Amazing, huh?

  5. elizabeth3hersh says:

    As an erstwhile bon vivant while living in Miami Beach, I had my liquid refreshments delivered daily from my local pizza parlor (sans any pizza). I knew I was in trouble when I called once and they said “Hi Mrs. H., will you be having your usual”? It was a beer run, pure and simple and they were only too happy to enable (I’m a “friend of Bill’s” now).

  6. So, you’re saying you would hit that? BTW, be nice to Kali, she a pal of mine, plus she’s a totally hot babe from NYC.

  7. George says:

    That’s about as bad as this guy I knew whose car broke down and he flagged down a cop for a ride to the local crack-spot.

  8. Ram Venkatararam says:

    Holy crap thats’s Doris!

    And of course they should drive her…

    What else do the police have to do anyway? They must get tired of frisking hookers eventually.

    And aren’t they on facebook or Myspace all the time tossing up photos of themselves sticking guns in each others mouths? I read that somewhere…

    Give the woman a break. It’s a long walk and the cops should start serving the public.

  9. elizabeth3hersh says:

    On second thought, the police should have given her a ride as they could have been handsomely rewarded for their time and trouble (I mean, she doesn’t look like she is wearing her dentures in that mug shot).

    P.S. TL, you know I would have never resorted to subterfuge when coordinating my beer deliveries. Best to let the dispatcher in at the get-go. I always found them most accommodating.

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