Teachers Should Not Show Up To Work Drunk

March 30, 2009

Or so the high strung do-gooders in Land O’ Lakes, FL would have you believe. Kylene Nelson, a language arts teacher at Rushe Middle School, showed up to work in a particularly happy mood. Soon, she was dancing with her students and having a grand old time. 

It seems that another jealous teacher felt like harshing her mellow and ratted her out to the school administration for being too happy. At this point she was removed from the classroom. When the police arrived to take her into custody, she was found passed out at a nearby recreation center. Police said her blood alcohol was 3 times the legal limit. 

Of course it was! She is a freaking teacher, for God’s sake. If you had to put up with loud, rotten kids all day wouldn’t you be getting your drink on by the first recess? Hell, I expected my teachers to be either drunk or high. The alternative was to be suicidal. 

If you don’t think teaching is tough, ask yourself why they are always doing stuff to end up in jail. They video the shower rooms, sleep with students, show up drunk, and do a variety of other illegal things. 

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mean every teacher does this stuff. Just maybe about 86% of them. (That is a stat I created from my research. It is pointless in trying to disprove it). Let’s face it, teachers would be hookers or street bums if the state and county wasn’t paying their salaries. Again, not ALL of them…just most. 

When I was young and sleeping with my music teacher, I appreciated that she needed to get drunk before getting her freak on with me. I didn’t care for the fact that at the tender age of 14, I had to buy her booze for her. Still, the risk was worth the reward. 

Today’s teachers have way too many rules to live by. No smoking, drinking, screwing, cursing, gambling, or any fun vice allowed on campus. No wonder they are so miserable. Let’s roll the clock back and get back to school like it used to be in the old days. You know, the days where you could just punch a kid in the head if he acted like a douche. That’s what we used to call tough love. 

In the meantime, support your local teachers. Sneak them in as much booze as you can or maybe a blunt or two. They are under tremendous pressure and their Prozac just isn’t strong enough. Do it for the children.