ShamWow Dude Pounds A Hooker (and not in a good way)

You know that annoying little gremlin looking dude? You know, he sells ShamWows and that little chopping cup thing on TV. Well he’s in big trouble. Here’s his pic:

shamwow-dude

The Smoking Gun has a great story of how he was busted last month for busting up a hooker. Shamwow dudes real name is Vince Shlomi. (Think he was called Heywood Jablomi in school? Ok, maybe not). Anyway, Vince is seemingly living large these days. He was staying in a posh Miami hotel when he went out on the town to get his drink on.

At some point, Sasha Harris (aka “the hooker”) propositioned wee man for straight sex. First of all, it strikes me that ShamWow dude is into anything but straight sex. Still, for the excellent price of $1000, he accepted. So off our happy couple go to Vince’s suite.

What happens next is a little odd. It seems that when Vince gave Sasha a kiss, she clamped onto his toungue with her teeth. Now, if I remember my prostitution etiquette correctly, you are not supposed to kiss hookers on the mouth. This is their way of keeping an emotional distance. So, it seems that Vince was breaking a cardinal rule by trying to kiss her and got what he deserved.

In his version of the story, he needed to punch her several times in the face to get her to let go. Really? The police report says she suffered facial fractures. Hell, even Chris Brown wasn’t that rough. My guess is that she bit him and he proceeded to pound the crap out of her. (Ladies, are you starting to learn a lesson about dating little guys yet?) I guess at this point she ran from the room and the police were called.

I want to know a couple of things. First, how does this little rat have so much cash? Paying $1000 bucks for hookers and $1000 bucks for a hotel room? Then partying at some swank club? I am so going to start making infomercials for cable TV. Second, who the fu** is this guy and where the hell did he come from? He is like a cheaper version of the dude with the black beard that is always yelling. Who was a cheaper version of that Tony dude with the pony tail. Who was a cheaper version of the master, Ron Popeil. Where the hell has Ron run off to?

Oh well, I guess no more Vince commercials. Can’t say that I will miss him. I now need to go write a script for my new product, ToiletGuard. This is a rail that pops up on either side of the toilet when boys/men are urinating. I can’t tell you anymore but the ladies will appreciate it.

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2009/0327092sham1.html

PS: My son wanted to know if Vince cleaned up the blood with a ShamWow. I am so proud.

Advertisements

22 Responses to ShamWow Dude Pounds A Hooker (and not in a good way)

  1. Ram Venkatararam says:

    You should be proud of your son TL. That’s some good parenting right there. Obviously, you knew when to take away his cell phone and machine gun.

    ShamPOW! Looks like he’ll be back to demonstrating those automatic potato peelers at trade shows.

  2. Did you check out the pic. The dude is 44 and looks like it. Did they make the ShamWow commercial back in the 90’s and hold onto it for a time when the public would be ready for such a great product?

  3. womaninblack says:

    As a student of the Queen’s English, I am appalled that the name of this product isn’t ChamWow in a nod to the word ‘chamois’. In comparison, the violence and the prostitution aren’t even in the same league.
    Rent as many hookers as you like, but don’t f*ck with MY mother tongue, infomercial boy.

  4. elizabeth3hersh says:

    Billy Mays (“dude with the black beard who is always yelling”) was a guest on the Jay Leno show last night along with Dana Carvey. Carvey asked Mays if he ever shouted “but wait, there’s more!!” while doing the deed.

  5. BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE!!!

  6. nursemyra says:

    I checked out the pic. Did he steal the hooker’s clothes too?

  7. SlamWow. But wait, there’s whore. It is pun Sunday, right?

  8. elizabeth3hersh says:

    FJ, shouldn’t you be in bed? Thanks for providing my last laugh of the night.

  9. womaninblack says:

    TL, where are you? There’s a massdebate (does that qualify for pun Sunday?) over at my place about women in Hollywood. If you don’t have an opinion on that, I’ll eat my pointed hat and broomstick.

    • tannerleah says:

      I am on my way. Was trying to figure out if I should write about my plumbers crack today. I have been getting a lot of mean spirited comments from the fam lately.

  10. Kevinjohn says:

    Excellent TL and kudos to your son.
    I too have tried to raise my son in the virtues.Take thrift for instance. When I have an appointment with my finincial advisor my son and I have an understanding for him to ‘excuse himself’ and go to the bathrooms and fill his ‘gym’ bag up with as many toilet paper rolls as possible.
    Last time he was able to grab some high quality pens from dork’s desk while he was walking me out. I almost shed a tear.

  11. O.G. says:

    Billy Packard is the guy who yells on every commercial…although it does compell me to buy a mini-burger maker. I agree on Ron Popeil…in 5 years when I need spray-on hair I hope he re-emerges

  12. chelsypillsbury says:

    hahahaha this is great. You’re hilarious!

  13. […] the rest here. Especially the P.S. at the […]

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: