ShamWow Dude Pounds A Hooker (and not in a good way)

March 28, 2009

You know that annoying little gremlin looking dude? You know, he sells ShamWows and that little chopping cup thing on TV. Well he’s in big trouble. Here’s his pic:


The Smoking Gun has a great story of how he was busted last month for busting up a hooker. Shamwow dudes real name is Vince Shlomi. (Think he was called Heywood Jablomi in school? Ok, maybe not). Anyway, Vince is seemingly living large these days. He was staying in a posh Miami hotel when he went out on the town to get his drink on.

At some point, Sasha Harris (aka “the hooker”) propositioned wee man for straight sex. First of all, it strikes me that ShamWow dude is into anything but straight sex. Still, for the excellent price of $1000, he accepted. So off our happy couple go to Vince’s suite.

What happens next is a little odd. It seems that when Vince gave Sasha a kiss, she clamped onto his toungue with her teeth. Now, if I remember my prostitution etiquette correctly, you are not supposed to kiss hookers on the mouth. This is their way of keeping an emotional distance. So, it seems that Vince was breaking a cardinal rule by trying to kiss her and got what he deserved.

In his version of the story, he needed to punch her several times in the face to get her to let go. Really? The police report says she suffered facial fractures. Hell, even Chris Brown wasn’t that rough. My guess is that she bit him and he proceeded to pound the crap out of her. (Ladies, are you starting to learn a lesson about dating little guys yet?) I guess at this point she ran from the room and the police were called.

I want to know a couple of things. First, how does this little rat have so much cash? Paying $1000 bucks for hookers and $1000 bucks for a hotel room? Then partying at some swank club? I am so going to start making infomercials for cable TV. Second, who the fu** is this guy and where the hell did he come from? He is like a cheaper version of the dude with the black beard that is always yelling. Who was a cheaper version of that Tony dude with the pony tail. Who was a cheaper version of the master, Ron Popeil. Where the hell has Ron run off to?

Oh well, I guess no more Vince commercials. Can’t say that I will miss him. I now need to go write a script for my new product, ToiletGuard. This is a rail that pops up on either side of the toilet when boys/men are urinating. I can’t tell you anymore but the ladies will appreciate it.

PS: My son wanted to know if Vince cleaned up the blood with a ShamWow. I am so proud.