How To Keep Your Man From Straying

March 26, 2009

Liz sent me a great article on how a resourceful Connecticut woman decided to keep her man from getting away from her. She handcuffed herself to him while he slept. 

That’s right; Helen Sun snuck into her estranged husband’s bedroom and handcuffed herself to him while he slept. What a simple yet elegant plan! To be fair, the estranged husband, Robert Drawbough, thought it would be a good idea to try to reconcile with Helen. So, really, it is just as much his fault. 

Before he returned from LA to begin the reconciliation, Helen bought some handcuffs and changed the lock on the bedroom door. Maybe she learned her style of reconciliation from watching the Deer Hunter over and over. The only thing that was missing was a gun and Christopher Walken. “Mao, mao!!!” (Slightly obscure if you haven’t seen the movie). 

When Robert awoke and found out he was handcuffed to Helen, he reacted poorly. He managed to get his hand on a cell phone and call 911. (This link has the story and the 911 call – Dude is a whiny baby). During the call, you can hear Bob scream like a girl several times. Sure, it probably was due to the biting that Helen was inflicting on him but c’mon, take it like a man. Do you think Sean Connery would have screamed? Of course not. You would have heard one “mmphh” in a Scottish accent, the sound of flesh on flesh, and then the sound of Helen’s body hitting the floor unconscious.   

And look at Helen’s mug shot. She is unmarked (Well, except for acne).


A real man would have at least done a Chris Brown on her and that would have stopped the biting immediately. Instead, Bob just screams and screams waiting for the po-po to bail him out. What a girly man. 

Helen’s attorney suggested to the court that maybe Helen was slightly bat sh** and that might explain her behavior. Ya think? I have to admit, I am tired of people playing the crazy card on such mundane things. If Robert had awoken to find Helen gnawing on his kidney that she cut out of him while she slept, I would believe it. Handcuffs? That’s not crazy, that’s being a typical woman. (And you thought I had lost my misogynistic touch).   

Anyway, I hope that Helen gets out quickly so I can see what part two of her plan to win Robert back is. I am sure she can step up her game and make it something truly magnificent. We are rooting for you Helen! You go girl!