Sleeping With Your Beagle IS Illegal!

I came across this great article from The Smoking Gun and thought I would share with those of you that might have missed it.

Michelle Owen, 24 from Whiteland, IN, was apparently pretty peeved with her ex boyfriend, Heath Pierle. This seems to stem from a custody battle the two are having over their child. She accused her ex of searching for child porn on her laptop and took it to the police so they could search it. I bet you have a good idea already as to how this is going to turn out. Here is a photo of Michelle:


Here are the finer details and, I swear, you can read them in the police report. Michelle and Heath decided to make a little video for someone’s amusement, I guess. Michelle laid down nude on the bed and Heath slathered something on her hoo-hoo. Apparently, whatever it was wasn’t good enough so Michelle also slathered something in the same area. They both then said, “Here Toby”. Toby, the third actor in this movie, turns out to be the family pet…a beagle to be exact. The dog, being a fine actor, walked over and started lapping up the mess. According to the police report, Michelle “smiled”.

In the second video, Michelle calls the dog over again but, this time, does not use any condiments. According to the police report, the dog started licking then quickly walked away and Michelle finished her business on her own. When the detective later asked Michelle about the videos, she said, “You mean the ones with the dog?” At least we know Michelle is an honest gal.

Michelle was easy to find when the detective went to question her because she was already in jail for a public intoxication charge. This violated her terms of release from a drunk driving charge. I am going to go out on a limb and say that alcohol has not really been much of a friend to young Michelle.

Clearly, the biggest issue here is the well being of Toby, the hoo-hoo licking dog. Now that he has been down this path, will he ever be able to stop? Will he be a strung out hoo-hoo addict roaming the streets looking for a quick fix? How in the world will he ever be able to go back to Alpo now that he has tasted the “real” thing? The police report fails to give us any follow up information. But, for those of you with faith, please say a little prayer for the little guy. He needs it.

As for Michelle, my suspicion is she will only get worse. Soon, she will be seeking out Great Danes and then, possibly, small monkeys. All of which are felony charges in the state of Indiana. Who knew Indiana would have a problem with bestiality? Hmm…you learn something every day.

mmm…tastes like chicken 


10 Responses to Sleeping With Your Beagle IS Illegal!

  1. Ram Venkatararam says:

    Sound like a fine young family all way around. The stuff 50’s television shows were made of.

    I hope she sticks with animals. God forbid she should ever procreate.

  2. Don’t worry about the dog. Didn’t you read…he walked away.

  3. This is more disturbing that cat juggling. Really though, what choice did Toby have, I mean, look at her face.

  4. elizabeth3hersh says:

    Maybe she should have slathered on some Taste of the Wild (pet food) instead. I sense a whole new line of dog food here:

    Hoo-hoo-peroni (original)
    Iams Poon Tang
    Alpo’s prime cut filet hoo-non
    Porter-hooouse cuts with gravy

    and let’s not forget the snack line:

    Hartz Stuffed Hooose-hide (in mild, medium and Holy Mackerel!)
    Cheweez Dog Lickety Hooey-Sticks
    Pedigree Beaver Bites (for the discriminating puppy)

  5. elizabeth3hersh says:

    Hooow kind of yooou to saaay so.

  6. that | chick says:

    omg. i dont even know what to say. thats so gross.

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