Dora The Explorer Turns Into A Whore

This is not my opinion but the opinion of some pi**ed off Dora fans. It seems that Mattel is coming out with a Dora doll that shows her as around ten years old. Instead of her gay haircut and boy clothes, she now has long, flowing hair and shapely legs (although still no boobs, thank Oz). 

What is the problem here? Why would you not want such a homely looking kid to get better looking? Nickelodeon and Mattel are doing her a huge favor. Now she will be a big shot when she goes to high school instead of being the little retarded looking girl with the giant head. Again, improving her looks is a good thing! Here is a photo of the latest Dora incarnation:

Dora for Tweens (I told you she looks better. Woody Allen has already asked for her phone number).

And to be totally honest, I never have understood the Dora phenomenon anyway. What is she exploring and didn’t Waldo already cover that area several years ago? It seems like she is just a cheap rip off. At least Waldo had a cool hat…this chick has nothing. Well, I take that back. She is bi-lingual. Personally, I think it is much too early to expose children to bi-lingual personalities. They should be older before they learn about alternative lifestyles. 

I am not criticizing because I love my gay and lesbian friends. I just think a show aimed at young children emphasizing the “bi” lifestyle is probably not appropriate. If it were my show, I would have made Dora bi-polar. This would introduce children to a much larger section of humanity and prepare them for life in a more realistic way. 

Mattel also took some heat for releasing the adult version of Dora. Here she is: 

lindsay-lohan

Ok, now I can totally see how they have gone the “whore” route. Again, I am not complaining but what did you expect when she was already bi-lingual by the age of 5? Of course she was bound to go down the path of promiscuity and ugly girlfriends. If she would have been introduced to bi-polar people, she might have looked like this: 

courtney-love

You see how much better that would have been? Still sexy as hell but with that “I am going to cut you and feed you to my dog look”. Tell me that isn’t sexy. Who would have thought that Dora would turn out so doable? Oh well, we live and learn.

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27 Responses to Dora The Explorer Turns Into A Whore

  1. art vandelay says:

    Dora the whore-a

  2. squirrel says:

    That last picture is disturbing. I like the new Dora, she’s so cute. Dora right now is short-bus Dora. This new look takes her to full-length bus. WooHoo!

  3. i too like the new Dora, but the old Dora was more real as to how Hispanic children usually look (except real Hispanic children wear wedding dresses and soccer shoes at the laundry matt.) but then again Dora always wore random clothes that usually don’t go together…so…. and i wonder what they will do to Boots, you know her pet monkey that isn’t bilingual. maybe they will make him into a flying monkey or something….

    • tannerleah says:

      “wedding dresses and soccer shoes” Now THAT’S the best line of the day!

      She has a monkey? How the hell did she smuggle it into the conutry?

      • she’s got a whole lot of illegal animals on that show..and don’t get me started on her cousin Diego. Who explores also. he catches wild animals, and rescue them from “danger” instead of letting them just die..he helps beached Whales, and rescues Tigers stuck up in trees. Don’t let your kid watch that show…next thing you know you’ll take him to the zoo and he’ll get swallowed by a lion trying to be Diego…

  4. Enna says:

    “I told you should looks better. Woody Allen has already asked for her phone number”

    BEST LINE I HAVE READ ALL DAY!

  5. ha. great minds indeed. and its true that they wear “wedding dresses and soccer shoes” all the time. its kinda cute.

  6. Where does Carman Sandiego fit into all this madness?

  7. womaninblack says:

    Dora is a metaphysical explorer. In a really boring, mundane way. I tried sticking the kids in front of the one-eyed babysitter in the living room when Dora was on and even they complained.
    And they used to be mesmerised by the washing machine.

  8. elizabeth3hersh says:

    I’m glad we are on a light-hearted topic today as I haven’t had much sleep and wouldn’t be able to articulate anything remotely complex. My daughter woke me at 3 am to report the sound of eight gunshots and a woman groaning and screaming. I thought she was was dreaming, but she insisted I call Wackenhut (our security detail). The patrol officer heard the gunfire too and instructed me to call 911. Metro and a police helicopter soon arrived canvassing the neighborhood. Since nothing was found, we are all now waiting for someone to report a body! There is either a lunatic in the neighborhood or someone is dead as of yet undiscovered. Perhaps you can send Dora over to investigate. I’m taking a nap now.

  9. elizabeth3hersh says:

    Update: I have posted an alert on the community mailbox advising them of the gunshots and screaming last night and to please check on their neighbors. Wackenhut is still looking for a body.

  10. art vandelay says:

    Liz-batten down your hatches!

  11. elizabeth3hersh says:

    They are Art! I have the “door club”, an alarm, motion detector lamps and a .380. When I lived in Miami Beach, I had four surveillance cameras bolted around the periphery of the house with 2 CCTV’s inside (my fortunes have since changed)…those were the good ole days. TL, send Dora to find the body!

  12. Ram Venkatararam says:

    Ola Tannerleah! Can you say “Amigo?” Say it with me. “Ahhhh-Miiii-gooooo”

    Sorry TL. Love the show. Never miss it. And Diego too. Kids got talent.

    If Boots the monkey is available I have an urgent need for his help…

  13. SWIPER NO SWIPEY! SWIPER NO SWIPEY! AWWW MAN!

  14. TL…I think I am the only one who got the TWO Oz references in this post from the post the other day.

  15. nursemyra says:

    Courtney! what happened to your tits?

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