Dora The Explorer Turns Into A Whore

March 17, 2009

This is not my opinion but the opinion of some pi**ed off Dora fans. It seems that Mattel is coming out with a Dora doll that shows her as around ten years old. Instead of her gay haircut and boy clothes, she now has long, flowing hair and shapely legs (although still no boobs, thank Oz). 

What is the problem here? Why would you not want such a homely looking kid to get better looking? Nickelodeon and Mattel are doing her a huge favor. Now she will be a big shot when she goes to high school instead of being the little retarded looking girl with the giant head. Again, improving her looks is a good thing! Here is a photo of the latest Dora incarnation:

Dora for Tweens (I told you she looks better. Woody Allen has already asked for her phone number).

And to be totally honest, I never have understood the Dora phenomenon anyway. What is she exploring and didn’t Waldo already cover that area several years ago? It seems like she is just a cheap rip off. At least Waldo had a cool hat…this chick has nothing. Well, I take that back. She is bi-lingual. Personally, I think it is much too early to expose children to bi-lingual personalities. They should be older before they learn about alternative lifestyles. 

I am not criticizing because I love my gay and lesbian friends. I just think a show aimed at young children emphasizing the “bi” lifestyle is probably not appropriate. If it were my show, I would have made Dora bi-polar. This would introduce children to a much larger section of humanity and prepare them for life in a more realistic way. 

Mattel also took some heat for releasing the adult version of Dora. Here she is: 


Ok, now I can totally see how they have gone the “whore” route. Again, I am not complaining but what did you expect when she was already bi-lingual by the age of 5? Of course she was bound to go down the path of promiscuity and ugly girlfriends. If she would have been introduced to bi-polar people, she might have looked like this: 


You see how much better that would have been? Still sexy as hell but with that “I am going to cut you and feed you to my dog look”. Tell me that isn’t sexy. Who would have thought that Dora would turn out so doable? Oh well, we live and learn.