Drugging Your Boss Is Funny…But Probably Wrong

Erin Kelly was sick of her boss being a high strung prick. So, being the “type A” personality that accomplished things rather than complain about them, she drugged him. Nothing major…just a little Valium in his coffee to increase his mellow. Of course, being the prick that he is, he started acting like he was having a heart attack instead of enjoying the moment.

Erin, 24, is a cage cleaner at the Reynolds Road Animal Clinic. If you have ever cleaned cages for a living, you know what a thankless job it is. The last thing you need is a demanding jerk walking around barking out orders. Enter veterinarian Dr. John Duckett. Like most vets (and dentists) he has a chip on his shoulder because he can’t be a “real” doctor. So, he no doubt takes it out on his minions.

One morning Erin came up with the brilliant plan to sedate the good doctor so he would come down off of his high horse. She may have inadvertently overdosed him (She’s a cage cleaner for chrissake…not a pharmacist) and left the good doc kind of dizzy and slurring his words. Now I am no doctor but I have watched “House” several times. How slurring and dizziness equals heart attack is beyond me. Clearly, he was having stroke like symptoms. I would have immediately plunged a huge needle into his heart. Not because it would help but because I always think it is cool when they do it.

Erin admitted to the crime and is out on bail for 25k. The doctor, who caused all of this in the first place, is back to sticking his fist up cow butts or whacking off gerbils. He is a vet in Arkansas… that’s just how they roll. With any luck at all, he will have learned a lesson about his dickiness and do something to make it better. He could start by dropping charges against Erin who was just trying to make the world a happier place.

My peeps would never drug me because I am a burning inferno full of fun and joy. As a people person, I see it as my job to bring joy to the workplace on a daily basis. Let me share one of my tricks with you. When you walk into the office, single out the person that has the worst looking hair. Then say, “Jesus Christ, what the hell crapped on your head?” They will have an immediate look of confusion followed by sadness on their face. You quickly follow with, “I was kidding!…sort of”. That move alone brings great joy to all of the other employees that were not the subject of the ridicule. See how awesome that is? I can give you more hints if you need them, just ask. As always, you are welcome. TL


7 Responses to Drugging Your Boss Is Funny…But Probably Wrong

  1. Ram Venkatararam says:

    Personally, I think Erin lacks imagination.

    She works in an animal clinic and the best she could come up with was to drug her boss with Valium? The place must be littered with horse tranquilizers,
    serotonin inhibitors for parrots and good old fashioned cat anti-psychotics…

    If you’re gonna drug your boss, don’t go halfway…mix ’em all in his coffee and turn on the video camera.

  2. i wish i could be given these kinds of opportunity. no one is ever mean or even slightly dickish to me..and i got loads of meds i could use to drug people..i mean for Allah’s sake, im not taking them…

    • tannerleah says:

      No one is mean to you because you are so nice. That’s a good thing. However, it doesn’t explain why in the world you would read my mean spirited junk. Are you a closet meanie?

  3. nursemyra says:

    I regularly sedate the cranky old doctors at the gimcrack. But when a hot one visits I usually slip them a viagra and accidentally lock us both in the linen cupboard

  4. actually im not a closet meanie, im very out about it. i cut people off in traffic, but i am usually mean to strangers, not people i know. well my mom says im pretty mean, and my ex-bestfriend. who isn’t my friend anymore not because im mean, but because he loves me..i told him to grow some balls…ehh…im pretty mean, still people are nice to me. maybe im the one they should slip the drugs too…alas i don’t drink coffee….

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